The most peculiar roommate
by attaasa
Summary: completed Sora gets a roommate named Riku who turns out to be a very charming person. So charming, that he proceeds to charm the clothes right off of all of Sora's friends. But that's okay, because Sora doesn't know. Yet.
1. The Wet Young Man

Author's note: Well, hia! This is the second story, woo-hoo! This one doesn't have any zombies in it, but I hope that you'll like it anyway. The characters might act OOC, but I'm trying hard to prevent it. That's mostly all I have to say here... There's another Authors note at the bottom, too. That one isn't more interesting, but it might be worth reading anyway.

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, but I own the story, so read and enjoy but please do not take.

Summary: One day a man in a wet shirt and leather pants shows up on Sora's doorstep. So, Sora gets a roommate, a young artist named Riku who turns out to be the most charming person person he has ever met. So charming, infact, that he proceeds to charm the clothes right off of all of Sora's friends. But that's okay, because Sora doesn't know. Yet.

* * *

Riku was standing in the middle of the street, his large suitcase on the ground next to him. He looked up into the sky as he heard thunder. His smile turned upside down as a drop of water fell on his head. This is so uncool, he thought. He hurriedly picked the suitcase back up and cradled it close to his chest before remembering that he had waterproofed it (by coating it in cellophane wrap) when it crinkled against his body. 

He looked thoughtfully up into the sky, but wrinkled his nose and grumbled when a raindrop fell into his eye. He looked back down and took careful stock of the situation. He had just left his previous residence, he was out on the street, it was starting to rain, and a cold wind was picking up. He needed to go somewhere, preferably somewhere where he could also _live _after he got there. He set the suitcase back down on the ground and crossed his arms, thinking.

He was thoroughly wet by this time, and the wind was chilling him to the core. It didn't help that that core wasn't very deep, he was only wearing a thin white polo shirt and a pair of leather pants. The leather pants were waterproof, but this didn't help because water dripped down _inside_ of them, leaving him with a wet ass. Needless to say, he was slightly more then a little irritated. As the wind picked up, it blew a piece of paper towards him. He tried to ignore it, but found that he couldn't when it plastered itself onto his face. He growled in frustration and ripped it off. He was about to dump it angrily onto the ground, but stopped when the words 'roommate wanted' caught his attention. He brought it a little way away from his face, then read it.

_Roommate wanted to share a spacious 2 bedroom/ 2 bathroom apartment on the fifth floor, with a balcony, overlooking a quiet, tree-lined street. Hard wood floors, white walls, large kitchen, dryer and washing machine in the apartment._

_Looking for a male with no harmful habits (non smoker), who will be able to pay the rent each month.  
Will be sharing with a 21 year old male college student with interests in art and cheese._

And then there was an address. Riku looked at it, it wasn't too far away, he could walk there. If he started now, he could get there in an hour. He lifted up the suitcase with a groan and set out. He walked through the rain, a new spring in his step. The rain was no longer bothering him, and his suitcase seemed to be lighter then before. He started to whistle. Or he tried to start to whistle, but he couldn't, because frankly, he couldn't whistle. He had never learned, and because of this he had been teased by the school bullies and scarred for life. But that was okay, because that gave him the incentive to work hard and earn enough money to hire a number of ugly transvestites to try and seduce the bullies and scar _them_ for life. Riku felt rather pleased with himself when he noticed that the bullies had stopped showing up to school, and even went so far as to send them each a letter with only the words 'who's laughing now?' on it.

He soon reached the address written on the sheet of paper, and double checked before ringing the doorbell. He suddenly realized that it was nine thirty, and showing up the way he was, in wet clothes, might not exactly create the _best_ first impression. He set down his suitcase a little ways off from the door, so that the occupant wouldn't notice it right away. He had a feeling that it might cause a mixed reaction.

The door was opened by a barefoot young man with spiky brown hair and innocent blue eyes. Although those weren't the first things thatRiku noticed. The first thing that Riku noticed was infact, theman's lack of pants. The person with the blue eyes was only wearing a large white shirt. The eyes traveled up and down Riku's body critically "Erm... can I help you?"

Riku decided that now would be a good time to turn on his charm. He brushed his wet silver hair back from his eyes and flashed a wide smile, showing off his pearly teeth. After all, it's hard to not trust someone with perfect teeth. "Why, yes! I came here about the apartment," he lifted up the sheet with 'roommate wanted' written on it. By now it, too, was soaked through, so it resembled a wet rag more then a flyer.

The young man at the door blinked, then opened the door wider. "Oh, uhhh... would you like to see the place?"

Riku smiled another wide smile, but he was careful not to overdo it. "Of course, that would be lovely."

The young man stepped aside, and Riku came in. The T.V. was on, and the young man went to turn it off hurriedly. He smiled at Riku and held out his hand. "My name is Sora, by the way," he said. Riku shook his hand, "I'm Riku," he replied.

Sora gave him a quick tour, showing off the kitchen, the living room (this was very easy, seeing as how the two were connected) the bathroom, and, finally the bedrooms.

"If you would like to stay here, the rent is 500 dollars a month."

Riku nodded. "That seems reasonable, I think I'll take it."

Sora smiled in return. "When do you think you will be able to move in?"

"When would be most convenient for you?"

"Oh, anytime's fine for me."

"How about right now?"

Sora blinked. "Right now? I... sure, I guess..."

And so Riku moved in - to Sora's great surprise- that very day, that very hour, and -to be exact- that very minute. But not that very second, because it took him a little time to get his suitcase from the hall. And then the bewildered Sora went to call his girlfriend. Because this was all too bizarre for him to handle by himself.

* * *

yes, well. There it is... I'm writing shorter chapters now, I figured out that long chapters are intimidating. I honestly don't know what a reasonable price for an appartment is. I tried to guess, but then decided that 1000 a month for an appartment is okay, and Riku's paying half, so that's 500... Anyway, I tried. If you enjoyed it, leave a review. If you didn't... leave me a review too, i guess... 


	2. Slippery Joe

Authors Note: Well, here's the second chapter! This is pretty much the first chapter, but from Sora's point of view plus some stuff. So... I hope that you all enjoy it! I'd like to thank Lack Thereof, Kanilla-Master of Fluff, Queen of the Insects, mot, and um...me again (but really Cecilia) for their lovely reviews. Thanks guys! Your reviews are what keeps me going!

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, but I own the story, so read and enjoy but please do not take.

Summary: One day a man in a wet shirt and leather pants shows up on Sora's doorstep. So, Sora gets a roommate, a young artist named Riku who turns out to be the most charming person person he has ever met. So charming, infact, that he proceeds to charm the clothes right off of all of Sora's friends. But that's okay, because Sora doesn't know. Yet.

* * *

Sora was changing the channels on the T.V. with a bored expression on his face. One time when Wakka came over they found a channel with naked people doing obscene things to eachother. The next day it disappeared. It was now five months since then, and Sora had pretty much given up looking, but right now it was a dreary night, and he was bored. There was nothing better on T.V. anyway. 

His doorbell rang. Sora turned to his door, puzzled. He got up to answer it, but hesitated. He was wearing only a large shirt, should he put something more on? Ah well, he thought, it probably won't take long. He opened the door. He began to wish that he hadn't. He looked the man that was standing in front of him up and down. The man was wet. If the man fell into the ocean nothing about him would change, except maybe he would be saltier. But as Sora had no intention of licking the man, this change wouldn't have really mattered to him.

The man was wearing a thin shirt and black leather pants. The leather was too shiny to be real. The man was taller then Sora, or would have been had Sora not been standing on his abnormally tall door stoop (1). "Erm... can I help you?" asked Sora hesitantly.

The man brushed back his hair and gave Sora a smile that would have won him the Miss America Pagent had he suddenly gotten the desire to become a transvestite and enter it. Sora involuntarily pictured the man in a long satin black dress with silver eyeshadow and dark lipstick.

"Why, yes!" said the man. "I came about the apartment." The man held up a piece of paper that Sora didn't recognize because his mind was too fogged up with the image of the man in a dress. He blinked when he came to his senses.

"Oh, uhhh... would you like to see the place?" Sora opened the door a bit wider uncertainly.

"Of course, that would be lovely," said the man. The man smiled again. Sora thought that that if the man had smiled any wider he would have looked like the Cheshire cat. Sora never liked the Cheshire cat, he thought that the cat was creepy. Grins did not typically hang in the air after their owner had disappeared.

Sora introduced himself. The man introduced himself. They shook hands. Sora gave the man a quick and boring tour of his apartment. The man followed him and nodded faithfully. And then, by some sudden and strange turn of events, the man moved in. Sora called his girlfriend.

"Hey," he said when she picked up.

She thought that he sounded a bit lost. "Hi, Sora!" she answered.

"A guy came about the apartment. He liked it. He's moving in."

"That's wonderful! When?"

Sora looked at the big heart-shaped clock on the wall. It was a Valentines day gift from his girlfriend, Kairi. He thought that it was hideous. He also thought that if he took it down, Kairi would not talk to him and/or do things for him that he quite enjoyed. "Thirteen minutes ago."

There was silence on the other line. "What?"

"I _said_, he moved in thirteen minutes ago."

"But I thought you said that he just came and asked about it!"

"He _did_. And then he moved in."

No one said anything for a moment. "Huh." said Kairi after the moment had passed. "That's interesting. Well. I needto go." She didn't say why.

"Sure, bye," said Sora. And then he hung up. Once again, his girlfriend managed to help him in absolutely no way whatsoever. He turned on the T.V. but couldn't watch it. His thoughts kept returning to his new roommate who was currently taking a shower. Sora thought about his roommate. In the shower. He was in the shower. He was in the shower inside his apartment. Sora's apartment.

"Oh my god," Sora moaned quietly. What if his roommate turned out to be some kind of mass murdering psycho? What would Sora do then? What he did was moan once again. If they found his body parts in a number of different dumpsters, it would be his own fault. After all, he had let Riku in, hadn't he? Sora started to freak out. What did he really know about Riku, anyway? Just his name! Not even his last name, either. 'Riku' might not even be his real name! His real name might be 'Slippery Joe' or 'Butch' or even 'That One Guy Who Kills People'. And then Riku would kill _him_ and steal his identity and his apartment, and then-

Riku chose this moment to come out of the shower.

Sora jumped up in fear. "OH MY GOD! DON'T KILL ME!" he shrieked.

Riku looked at him with confusion before giving him the kind of smile that people gave children who claimed that there was a murderous penguin under their bed that wanted to burn all of their comic books.

"I don't know _what_ you were watching, but maybe you should watch something else," he said with good humor and another smile.

Sora managed to calm down a little. After all, someone with perfect teeth couldn't be a _killer_! Everyone knew _that_.

"I'm going to go unpack," Riku said calmly. It was then that Sora noticed that Riku was only wearing a black towel around his waist. Sora blushed as the image of Riku in a dress came back to him.

"Yeah," said Sora distractedly. Riku smiled a smile meant to soothe Sora's fears, but this went unnoticed by Sora, so it completely failed to do its job. To Sora it only seemed that Riku had been continuously smiling at him. This unnerved him somewhat, because he had come to learn that someone who smiled all the time was usually plotting something. He was right, but at least he had stopped worrying that Riku would kill him. So that was alright.

* * *

(1) I'm not sure that this is, indeed, an actual word/ phrase/ expression. I mean the sort of doorway, but that thing on the bottom. Yeah, you all know what I'm talking about, don't deny it. 

I decided to give semi-previews of future chapters, so here's the first one:

Next chapter: Sora and Riku hang out


	3. Tea With Rum

Authors Note: This is the third chapter. Yay! I'm sorry about the last chapter and how it was the same thing from two perspectives, I just felt that it needed to be done. I will try very hard to not do that again. There is really no plot in this chapter... It's just Riku and Sora talking. It's really more just there to prepare for the next chapter, where there _will _be more plot, sort of. I'd like to thank Lack Thereof, mango smoothies, Queen of the Insects, and Kanilla-Master of Fluff.  
No, he was not naked, and I'm sure that it is not a porch... Thank you Kanilla, I think that it probably _is_ a doorstep. Well, I hope that you all enjoy it!

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, but I own the story, so read and enjoy but please do not take.

Summary: One day a man in a wet shirt and leather pants shows up on Sora's doorstep. So, Sora gets a roommate, a young artist named Riku who turns out to be the most charming person person he has ever met. So charming, infact, that he proceeds to charm the clothes right off of all of Sora's friends. But that's okay, because Sora doesn't know. Yet.

* * *

Riku stood up with a sigh. It was time to call it a day. He went out into the hall to the bathroom, and rinsed his hands. He was unable to _wash _his hands because Sora had borrowed his soap. The soap had never returned. Riku found out later that the reason for this was that Sora had traded the soap for an eyepatch. Sora had promised to buy Riku new soap. This had been a week ago. 

Riku dried his hands on his bed sheets, he hadn't thought to bring towels. He headed out into the kitchen, his head filled with vague thoughts about stealing one of Sora's shirts for a towel... The cotton one with the brown polka dots, he decided. He was sure that Sora wouldn't miss it.

He filled the electric teapot with water and pressed down the button. While the tea boiled, he brought out two mugs. He had the feeling that he wouldn't be drinking tea alone.

The electric teapot had just boiled. Sora knew this. He knew this because there had been a soft _click _in the kitchen, and his reading light suddenly got brighter. Sora shouldn't have known this, because frankly, his reading light shouldn't have been on. His light shouldn't have been on because it was three o'clock in the morning.

Sora lifted his head. He wanted tea. Tea is good, he thought. He got up and left his room. He rubbed his eyes sleepily as he walked down the hallway. He was greeted by the site of his shirtless roommate pouring two cups of wonderful, aromatic, caffeine-saturated tea.

"Hey," Sora said as he sat down on a stool in front of the counter. He still blushed at the site of Kairi in a bikini, andnormally he would have blushed even at the site of a shirtless man. It wasn't his fault - he had been sheltered. He had also lived with Riku for the past two weeks, and Riku was always missing _some_ article of clothing; usually a shirt. This was because as it turned out, Riku only had _one_.

Riku slid Sora a mug and Sora cradled it in his hands. But he didn't blow on it, because Riku had the foresight to drop in an ice cube. Along with two cubes of pure cane sugar, a sprinkle of lemon, a drop of vanilla, and a dollop of rum. Sora sighed in contentment as he sipped slowly from his mug. Riku _knew_ how to make tea. Riku disapproved of Sora drinking tea from a mug, he said that it was disrespectful. Especially when the mug had the words "I'm up, now give me my coffee!" on it. After three days of nagging, Sora bought him an identical mug just to spite him. It was out of this mug that Riku was drinking now.

"So..." said Riku after a moment, "wha'cha doin'?" Normally Riku didn't slur his words, but he thought that he deserved a break. After all, it was three o'clock in the morning.

Sora groaned. "Studying."

"Ah," said Riku as if he understood everything. "Wha'cha studying?"

Sora set the mug down and put his head on the counter. "I really don't know. I knew a couple of hours ago, but then the words started blurring on the page, and then they started blurring in my brain."

"Ah," said Riku again. "I know exactly how you feel."

"Oh?" Asked Sora. "How is that?"

"I went to an art school, and art textbooks manage to both use five hundred pages to say absolutely nothing and to have _really_ small text."

Sora shuddered in compassion. "So you're an artist then?" he asked after a moment. Riku nodded. Sora nodded. And then Sora fell asleep; his body slackened and his forehead hit the counter with a _smack_. He jerked up. "So, what kind of artist are you?" he asked as if nothing had happened.

"I'm a painter," replied Riku as if nothing happened. To him, nothing _had _happened. Usually, if Sora fell asleep during a conversation, once he woke up he would regress to the very beginning stages of said conversation. This had ceased to annoy Riku after the fourteenth time that it happened. They often had talks in the middle of the night. Riku was an insomniac, and Sora was a bad student, always studying for some test or other because he had forgotten to study for it the night _before_ the night before the test.

"Ah..." said Sora. "What do you paint with?" he asked after a while.

"Paint," Riku stated matter-of-factly. After all, he believed that there were no stupid questions.

"So..." said Sora after another moment. Riku stayed silent. He would not be pulled into a conversation full of the word 'so...' "My girlfriend Kairi said that she wanted to meet you."

"That's nice," Riku said. What Riku meant was 'That's one of the most horrible things that anyone has ever said to me." Sora didn't notice. He also didn't notice the look of absolute terror on Riku's face. Sora was just too busy sleeping at the time.

"When's she coming over?" asked Riku. He was determined not to be there when she did.

"Tomorrow evening," answered Sora after he woke up. Riku nodded.

"Well, I look forward to meeting her," he said. But he didn't. Anyone who could give their boyfriend such a hideous clock as the one currently hanging on the wall could _not_ be a good person.

* * *

Authors Note: Well, there you have it, it was a bit shorter then usual, but I think that I made up for that with the long authors note. Review please, I love reviews! 

Next Chapter: Riku talks to his friends


	4. Riku meets the Green Fairy

Authors Note: this is the fourth chapter, I like it better then the third one... I'd like to thank Kanilla-Master of Fluff, Lack Thereof, and Queen of the insects for their lovely reviews! thanks guys :) Oh my gosh, I uploaded this chapter to the wrong fic. Argh!

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, but I own the story, so read and enjoy but please do not take.

Summary: One day a man in a wet shirt and leather pants shows up on Sora's doorstep. So, Sora gets a roommate, a young artist named Riku who turns out to be the most charming person person he has ever met. So charming, infact, that he proceeds to charm the clothes right off of all of Sora's friends. But that's okay, because Sora doesn't know. Yet.

* * *

Riku looked uncertainly at his watch. It was four p.m. and Sora's girlfriend was due to come over any minute now. Sora was acting extremely happy, gushing about how great Kairi was, and how pretty she was, and how much Riku would like her. And then the phone rang. 

"I'll get it," said Sora.

"No, no, it's okay," Riku stopped him, "I'll do it," Riku rushed over to the phone.

"Hello sir," was what the woman on the other line said, "we are calling you to see if you would like to purchase car insurance from our firm-"

Riku didn't have a car. This was not what he told the nice telemarketer. "What's wrong?" he asked. "You sound upset-"

The telemarketer started blushing, a fact that Riku was not aware of. She began to fix her hair nervously. Another fact that Riku wasn't aware of. "-I assure you, I'm quite fine, good sir. Would you like to purchase-"

Riku's eyes widened in shock and horror. "Oh my god! I'll be right there, just whatever you do- _don't move_!"

"I-! Sir! I assure you, I'm quite fine! I- would you-" the lady had stopped smoothing down her hair and was beginning to sound distraught. "Car insurance!-" was the last thing that she managed to say before Riku slammed the phone receiver down.

"Sora, I have to go! My friend is in real trouble-"

Sora looked at Riku with blank eyes. "Eh?"

"I'm sorry, I'll just have to meet Kairi another time, I gotta go-" Riku grabbed his jacket and literally ran out of the apartment. Sora looked after him blankly.

"But Riku... Kairi's gonna be here soon..." he said. But Riku was already gone. "Kairi's gonna... she's gonna..."

Riku was striding purposefully through the street. He had no idea of where he was going, and this was the reason that the first turn that he made turned out to be a dark alley which turned out to be dead end. Or it could have been, but the man who had dived out of the shadows, shoved Riku against the wall and pressed a knife against Riku's neck stopped in his tracks. His eyes widened in recognition.

"Hey, Riku," he said as he released Riku.

Riku stepped away from the wall, rubbing his neck and looking up at the man with unease. But then the man took off his ski mask and winked.

Riku frowned in response. "What are you doing, Zell?" he asked.

The blond man shrugged. "What do you mean?" he asked innocently.

"I _mean _trying to mug people," said Riku, but paused, "I mean, trying to mug _me _of all people!"

Zell winked again. "Well, you see-" he started, but was interrupted.

"Over the years that we have been friends, I have learned that the words 'well, you see...' mean that I probably don't want to know."

Zell pouted. "Nuh-uh! Remember the time you caught me in that skirt, well, didn't you want to know _then_?"

"Not after I found out that you were performing at a drag club!"

"Well, I was standing in for a friend!" Zell defended himself.

"I friend that I had _not _wanted to meet, may I remind you!"

"Oh, come on," said Zell with an easy roll of his eyes. He began steering Riku further down the alley, depending on Riku's impending tirade to keep him from noticing what was happening. "He wasn't _that _bad."

"He liked to peel bananas with his toes! He licked the carpet, and then-"

And then Zell knocked on the brick wall at the back of the alley. The wall slid away, and Riku was pushed inside, his surprise effectively cutting off his speech. He tripped over a set of stairs, but caught himself just in time.

Once he was steady on his feet, he looked around. He was standing in a small dark pub filled with a number of rather shifty people.

"Well, isn't _this _nice and seedy?" he asked with contempt evident in his voice. He looked down at the floor and realized that if he had fallen on it, he would have never been able to feel clean again.

"I know!" said Zell enthusiastically. "Isn't it just great?" he asked, no trace of sarcasm in his voice.

"Hmmm..." Riku looked at the seat that Zell was leading him to. He did not want to sit in it. He ended up sitting in it anyway, because someone knocked in to him, not apologized, and ran from the bar in a hurry. If Riku had left the house with a wallet, he would have found that it was now mysteriously missing. Lucky for him, he didn't own a wallet, and just kept his money in his shoe.

Zell motioned to the man that stood behind the bar, and yelled 'two specials!' before turning back to Riku.

"So, what brings _you _to this neighborhood?"

"I live somewhere around here," said Riku as he glanced around uneasily. In fact, by now he had absolutely no idea where he was, so he really had no idea where he lived.

"Oh yeah? You moved again... or did you get kicked out?"

Riku snorted with laughter. "I got kicked out, of course! That's what they technically do, after I...you know." He trailed off as the bar tender brought them two glasses filled with shimmering green liquid, two glasses with ice water, slotted spoons and cubes of sugar. Riku's eyes widened. "Is that ABSINTHE?"

The bartender grunted and left.

Zell grinned. "Yeah! Why'd you _think _I dragged you in here?"

Riku eyed the liquid doubtfully. "You know, in the words of Oscar Wilde: 'After the first glass you see things as you wish they were. After the second, you see things as they are not. Finally you see things as they really are, and that is the most horrible thing in the world.'"

Zell raised an eyebrow. "I can _not _believe that you memorized that!"

"Yeah, well," Riku trailed off. "Isn't absinthe illegal?"

"Yeah, well," repeated Zell before taking a sip. "So, what's your problem? Why were you running through the streets?"

"My new roommate's girlfriend was coming over."

"So? Isn't that a good chance to do what it is you do?"

"I don't know, Zell, I'm having doubts about this one."

"Doubts? The Great Riku having doubts?" asked Zell with laughter in his voice. And then they finished off their glasses.

Riku didn't come home that night. He was far too busy dancing drunkenly on the bar table.

Authors Note: Absinthe! The green fairy isn't greatly worse then anyother hard liqor. The way to drink it is you put the cube of sugar on the slotted spoon, then pour ice water over it, thus dissolving the sugar in the absinthe, and making it taste better. Absinthe is indeed illegal in the united states. Don't drink wormwood oil! It's poisonous!  
Remember to read and review, I love reviews!

Next chapter: Riku is ambushed!


	5. Jugs

Author's Note: please don't make me drink barbeque sauce... Hello everyone! Welcome to the... what chapter are we on now? Fifth...? Welcome to the whatever-th chapter, I hope that you all enjoy it. Thanks to all my reviewers: Kanilla-Master of Fluff, carbuncle021, Lack Thereof, Queen of the insects, and Knight-of-wands/Asehma-the-dark-fury...? Is it just me or is the review system messed up? Anyway. Zell is a ff8 character, absinthe is illegal (i think) because some of its ingredients are poisonous, therefore illegal.

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, but I own the story, so read and enjoy but please do not take.

Summary: One day a man in a wet shirt and leather pants shows up on Sora's doorstep. So, Sora gets a roommate, a young artist named Riku who turns out to be the most charming person person he has ever met. So charming, infact, that he proceeds to charm the clothes right off of all of Sora's friends. But that's okay, because Sora doesn't know. Yet.

* * *

Riku rubbed shampoo into his silvery hair. He heard the front door open and then shut, but paid it no attention. As he began to wash off the bubbles, he heard two voices, one Sora's and one... female? Kairi? 

Riku swore. They cornered him! How rude. He had worked hard for a week trying to avoid Kairi, only to be cornered while taking a shower? That was just dishonorable.

He turned off the water. He might as well take it like a man, he thought. He left the shower and looked around the bathroom uncertainly while dripping on the small carpet. He considered the open window.

"Riku! Come out and meet my girlfriend!" came Sora's voice from the living room.

Riku narrowed his eyes and then threw his towel out the window. "Will she mind seeing me naked?" he asked with barely masked anger. Sora and Kairi did not notice, of course.

Kairi thought about replying with a cheerful 'no,' but decided against it when she saw Sora's scandalized expression.

"What...? Of course she _minds_!"

"Well, that's just too bad," yelled Riku from the bathroom. "Guess I'll just have to stay in here, seeing as how I've got no towel and she doesn't wanna see me naked..."

Sora sighed and rubbed his temples. "Hold on, I'll get you something..."

Sora ran his hand through his hair, motioned for Kairi to wait, and went to his room to get one of his bath robes. He knocked on the bathroom door, robe in hand. The door swung wide open. Riku was standing there, his wet hair dripping on him and the carpet.

Sora handed him the robe and sighed deeply once again. "Do I really have to see... _everything_?"

Riku took it with an unconcerned shrug. "It's not like it's all new and mysterious," Riku waved his hands around to illustrate the last word. Sora rolled his eyes as Riku put on the robe. They left the bathroom and the first thing that Riku saw was the word 'jugs,' it was written across the chest of the shirt of the girl that was standing in the doorway.

Sora elbowed him in the ribs causing Riku to look up from Kairi's breasts and into her face. It was a pretty face, tastefully framed with her soft red hair. This greatly confused Riku. How could someone with such a tasteful hairdo wear such a tasteless shirt? But then he was distracted from his thoughts when Kairi extended her hand to him, causing her breasts to jiggle. Riku shook her hand, a wide grin was plastered on his face.

She introduced herself, he introduced himself, and Sora went to pour tea, leaving the two of them in an uncomfortable silence. They sat down.

"So," said Kairi, "what do you do for a living?"

"I'm an artist," said Riku as Sora came in with tea and sat beside his girlfriend.

"Oh..." said Kairi and her eyes lit up, "what kind of artist?"

"...A painter..."

"OH!" Kairi leaned forward in her seat. "So, do you have any interesting stories to tell us?"

Sora put an arm around his girlfriend. "Yeah, Riku! Tell us a story from your life!"

Riku had to suppress his urge to raise an eyebrow; he thought that they would think that he thought that they were being really stupid. And he did, but he didn't need to proclaim that to the _world_. Instead he decided to humor them.

"A story...? Could I have an example, please?"

"Oh, come on, Riku! Just tell us anything interesting that happened to you," Sora said, the grin still on his face.

"Well..." Riku began. Sora and Kairi scooted forward in their seats with eager expressions. This somewhat scared Riku, and he leaned back into the overstuffed arm chair in which he was sitting. He brought his cup of tea defensively in front of his face. "Well, this one time I was invited to do a show, so I decided to paint a special painting. I ordered some special paints, and got to painting." He paused for an effect that he didn't get. When he saw no response to his wanna-be suspense, he continued on, slightly disenheartened. "Well, these were paints that were discovered in a warehouse and dated back to the 1800's. When I started using them, I noticed a problem- they had been discolored by time. I decided to just finish the painting, because I had no time to start the concept sketches for another."

Riku took a sip of his tea. He noticed the glance that Sora shared with Kairi. They thought that his story was boring! Riku narrowed his eyes, then set his cup down with a loud sound on the table. The sound shocked them slightly, and their eyes went back to him.

Riku settled into the chair, smiled, and continued his story. "Well. To make a relatively short story even shorter, one of my fans didn't like the painting. He thought that I was experimenting with contemporary art, and he thought that that was a disgrace to my name.

"So he decided to save me the shame, and ate the whole thing."

Sora's eyebrows went down while Kairi's eyebrows went up. "He _ate _the painting?" they asked in unison.

Riku nodded. _Now _they were interested. "But that's not the end of it. He had swallowed the last bit, and then suddenly looked up at me with wide eyes. He didn't even notice the horrified crowd around him. He gagged a couple of times and then he clutched at his stomach. Two hundred year old paint does _not_ do wondersfor the digestive system. Especially if said paint had _lead _in it.

"And then he fell over onto the floor, but I got some people to help me load him into my car, and then I drove him to the hospital."

Riku stopped and folded his hands on his knees.

Kairi stared at him, wide-eyed. "That was such an honorable thing to do, Riku!"

Riku grinned. "Not really. Afterwards I sued him for all he was worth. When I got through with him he couldn't even pay his hospital bill."

Kairi blinked and came out of her trance. "Well... Don't you think that that's a bit cruel...?"

Riku shrugged. "That's the way the world spins."

* * *

Author's Note: Well, inn't _he _a nasty little bugger? Nah, not really. :) Review, please, I love reviews! They make my world go 'round... 

Next Chapter: Riku teaches a kid some manners


	6. Riku meets the boys upstairs

Author's Note: Well this is the sixth chapter. Surprise surprise! I noticed that the quality/style was slipping, so this time I made an effort to step it up a bit. My thanks go out to: Lack Thereof, Kanilla-Master of Fluff, Aeshma-the-dark-fury, carbuncle021, Queen of the Insects, and chocoholic freak for their reviews!  
Aeshma-the-dark-fury, I have no problem, just confused... And now I'm wondering, when you change your pen name does it change in all of the reviews that you've given? Hm...

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, but I own the story, so read and enjoy but please do not take.

Summary: One day a man in a wet shirt and leather pants shows up on Sora's doorstep. So, Sora gets a roommate, a young artist named Riku who turns out to be the most charming person person he has ever met. So charming, infact, that he proceeds to charm the clothes right off of all of Sora's friends. But that's okay, because Sora doesn't know. Yet.

* * *

Riku was standing at the door, looking intently into the peephole. He was waiting, and had been for the past fifteen minutes. But he knew that the kid would come back, it was in their natures. 

Riku saw the boy come hesitantly from behind the corner. The boy crept up to the door to Riku and Sora's apartment while Riku waited on the inside. The boy prepared for what he was about to do, and Riku prepared for what _he _was about to do in response for what the boy was about to do (it was all very complicated). Riku had come up with his great plan when he had been rudely interrupted for the third time, completely ruining what he was working on. He had been working on a pyramid of tortilla chips, and to do that one has to be very concentrated. _Very_ concentrated, as it takes a lot of work to stack tortilla chips, which were not, infact, made to be stacked.

The boy raised his hand to ring the doorbell, he was tensed up and ready to run right after he did his dirty deed. To his surprise, the door opened right before he pressed the white (well... grayish brown _technically_, but who keeps track?) button. And then he found himself gagged and tied to a chair.

Riku was extremely proud of his handy-work. He had opened the door, yanked the kid inside, and tied him to the ready chair in under ten seconds. For those who do not practice the art of abduction (or kidnapping if you prefer, but kidnapping is such an _unpleasant_ word isn't it? It almost sounds like a crime!), ten seconds is not a time to sneeze at.

Riku stepped back from the terrified boy and put his hands on his hips. "Didn't your mother ever tell you that it's rude to ring people's doorbells and then run away?"

The boy couldn't find the strength in himself to nod, which was a good thing, really. If he had nodded, he would have made Riku angry, and then Riku would have left him tied up and gone to a bar. And then _stayed_ there, for a long, long time.

"Well, I'm not your mother, but I feel that it is my duty to tell you: ringing people's doorbells and then running away is _bad_."

The boy started trembling. Riku started pacing. "I mean just consider! By ringing my doorbell, you have put yourself in great danger! You gave me the chance to pull you into my apartment!" Riku made a wide motion with his hand, illustrating his point. "What if I'm a child rapist? What if I'm a serial killer?"

If Riku had said another word, the boy would have wet his pants. Luckily (for both of them, Riku would _not_ have been happy had the boy soiled the carpet) Sora came through the door at that precise moment. He looked calmly around the room.

"Hey, Riku. Who's this?"

Riku turned to Sora. "Eh, just some kid who was ringing the doorbell and then running away."

Sora glanced at the kid before hanging up his jacket. "My friends and I used to do that. One time a guy chased after us with a chainsaw for twelve blocks. Unfortunately, Timmy had asthma, so he fell behind. The guy cut Timmy's leg off."

The boy was once again in danger of wetting his pants. Seeing the boy's terrified expression Sora rolled his eyes. "It's not such a big deal, they _re-attached_ it!" Sora plopped down on the couch (1). "Kids these days, get freaked out over the littlest things..." he muttered before turning on the television.

There was a moment of uncomfortable and not very silent silence. "So, I talked to Kairi," said Sora when a commercial about dancing burritos came on. Sora turned to face Riku.

"Oh?" asked the silver-haired artist. "What did you talk about?"

"You."

Riku was a little surprised by the blatant answer. "Looks like you're not one to beat about the bush."

Sora shrugged. "Why would you want to beat a _bush_? Anyway-" he broke off as his show started again. Riku waited patiently for ten minutes for the commercial to come on again. If someone had told him three months ago that he would be looking forward to the _commercials_, he would have laughed. And then he would have laughed some more.

"Anyway," said Sora again. "Kairi really liked you."

Riku nodded. He knew that she would. Closer to the end of her visit he had thought, "what the hell?" and turned on his charm. She had practically swooned when he kissed her hand after saying goodbye.

"Well, we were thinking of going to this fancy French restaurant, and she thought that we should invite you," Sora continued. "So, do you wanna come?"

Riku thought about it for a little while. "Sure," he finally answered.

Sora looked up at him and sighed in relief. "That's good, 'cause I can't go, I found out about a lecture that I have to go to. Now I can say that I thought that it would be better for the two of you to bond instead of 'uh, I can't, uh, I'm sorry!'"

Riku nodded once again. This was his chance! "So, when is this thing going to happen?" he asked Sora.

"Friday night," answered Sora right before the commercials ended.

Riku grinned. Friday was the day that his parents were throwing their posh party. Too bad, now he couldn't come.

The boy tied to the chair fell over as he tried to hop over to the door. Riku turned to him and narrowed his eyes. "That's right, _you're _still here."

He untied the boy and pushed him out of the apartment. "I hope you learned your lesson," he said. The boy didn't hear him, he was too busy running for his life.

* * *

(1) For those of you who are worried: the mean man who cuts off legs is probably still in jail. Nothing to worry about! 

Authors Note: This chapter was inspired by real life events. I'm sure that you all want to hear about it :). I spend Spring Break with my dad, and this year there were some kids knocking on our door and then running away. So finally my dad got fed up and went _outside, _into the stairwell on which they were hiding and asked "can I help you?" ... Or something like that. They stopped knocking on the door.

Next Chapter: Sora hangs out with Wakka and Tidus


	7. A kiss or two

Authors Note: This chapter is longer then usual, but it's really two chapters. Or it was. And then it turned out to be too short an I just wanted to write the cursed restaraunt scene. I refuse to use bad words in my authors notes! Whoo-hoo! But there will be bad language in this chapter (which is why this story is rated pg-13). Thank you Lack Thereof, Queen of the Insects, Kanilla-Master of Fluff, carbuncle021, Aeshma-the-dark-fury (ashton?), ARandomKid, and mango smoothies for their wonderful reviews. I love reviews, they make me happy :) Virtual hug to Kanilla-Master of Fluff! Yay! I got a muffin! And mango smoothies, well, I have to blab the plot to _someone_! Otherwise I might explode...  
WARNING: This chapter contains HETEROSEXUAL CONTENT! And homosexual content, but I think that we've all come to expect that from the Kingdom Hearts fandom... If you have a problem with either of these, I hope that you can find the power within yourself to keep reading. Please?

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, but I own the story, so read and enjoy but please do not take.

Summary: One day a man in a wet shirt and leather pants shows up on Sora's doorstep. So, Sora gets a roommate, a young artist named Riku who turns out to be the most charming person person he has ever met. So charming, infact, that he proceeds to charm the clothes right off of all of Sora's friends. But that's okay, because Sora doesn't know. Yet.

* * *

Sora was sitting on the couch with Tidus and Wakka. Riku was running around like a headless chicken (1). He was only wearing a towel around his waist and he was looking for his pants. 

"Sora! Have you seen my leather pants?" Yelled Riku. He was getting a bit upset.

"Sorry, no," Sora yelled back.

"WHAT? Do _not _tell me that you haven't seen my pants! You damn-well _have _seen them and you're going to tell me where they are!" Riku was getting more than a bit upset.

Sora, on the other hand, was very calm. Why wouldn't he be? He was sitting on the couch, eating junk food, and watching his favorite show with his friends. "Are you sure that you took them out of the cupboard?"

"YES! I am god-damn SURE that I took them out of the god-damned CUPBOARD!" Riku stormed into the kitchenette to look in the cupboard. He knew he wouldn't find his pants in the _cupboard_ because he had never _put _his pants into the cupboard. Nonetheless, he had run out of ideas, as well as, it seemed, pants. "Why in the nine hells would I even put them into-" And then he found his pants. He promptly turned to Sora and Smiled.

"So, Sora... How has _your _day been?" he asked in a pleasant tone of voice. Sora turned around and was not surprised when he noticed that Riku didn't even have the decency to blush with embarrassment.

"Good..."

"And who are these _lovely_ people that are sitting next to you?"

Sora was a decent person, and he _had _the decency to blush in embarrassment at his forgotten his manners.

"Um... yeah. Riku, this is Wakka," Sora pointed at the redhead. Wakka raised his hand and threw a quick "yo!" over his shoulder. "And this is Tidus," Sora pointed to the blonde. Tidus turned around smiled and waved. "Guys, this is my roommate, Riku," Sora finally finished.

"Of course, your _roommate_! And here we were, wondering about what this strange, half-naked man was doing in your apartment," joked Wakka. Riku would have taken offence at being called strange, but at this point he really wasn't paying attention. The retrieval of the pants posed a problem for him, he now needed to figure out where his underwear were... He smiled briefly, just in case, and then rushed off to his room.

"Well, he's kinda psycho, isn't he?" asked Wakka after a moment.

"Nah," answered Sora. "He's just a little stressed."

"Where the hell are you? When I find you I'm gonna-!" yelled Riku from his room. Sora hoped that he was addressing his shirt (he wasn't, but that's not really the point).

"Nah. He's a little _psycho_," said Tidus.

"How that hell did you get in here, you little-!" came from Riku's room.

Sora shrugged. "Yeah, I guess." He turned to the T.V. "But only a little bit," he added for a moment. He knew that if he hadn't said that, his conscience would have strangled him.

Riku finally came out of his room, fully dressed. He actually was _not_, but that also was _not_ the point. The point was that he _looked _fully dressed. That's what really counts, you know, appearances. People will tell you that that isn't true, but... well. You know who to trust.

"Well, I'm off," Riku said to Sora.

"Bye," said Sora. And then he convenietly forgot to tell Riku that there was a large spot of flower on the back of Riku's pants.

There was a moment's silence. "He's got a nice butt, though," said Wakka.

"Wakka!" Sora said with indignation. Tidus smacked the back of Wakka's head.

"Don't worry, baby, I only love _you_," said Wakka before pulling Tidus into a kiss.

Sora watched them while counting to five. "Um, yeah. Guys? Could you not do that please...?"

Wakka and Tidus ignored him and were now beginning to do indecent things on his couch. "Guys? Guys!" Sora threw the remote control at them. It hit Wakka straight in the head. There was a loud _clunck_. This effectively caught Wakka's attention. He looked up at Sora, blushed, and then got off of Tidus.

Wakka coughed. "Erm... Sorry about that, Sora."

Tidus sat up and started to button up his shirt. "Yeah. What he said."

"Hey Sora, aren't you supposed to be at some lecture or something?" asked Wakka.

"No."

"Oh! So you just made that story up so that Riku and Kairi can get to know each other?" asked Tidus.

Sora shrugged. "No. I just don't like French food."

What most people don't know is that Sora is a lot smarter then he looks and acts. No, really.

At that moment Riku came back into the apartment. "Forgot my jacket-" and then his gaze fell on Wakka, blushing and his hair messy, and then on Tidus, slowly buttoning up his shirt. Riku's eyes went back and forth for a moment, and then he looked at Sora.

"It's exactly what you think," said Sora with a shrug.

Riku stared at the three of them blankly. And then he grinned and gave Wakka and Tidus a thumbs up. "Alright!" He grabbed his leather jacket and left.

"No, really, he has a nice ass," said Wakka after a moment.

* * *

(1) I think that this is a safe guess, but I can't be sure because I have never actually seen an actual headless chicken actually running around. I think that if I was a headless chicken, I'd be too busy dying of blood loss to be running around... 

Riku entered the fancy restaurant and was told that a young lady was waiting for him. Usually the woman was the one to be fashionably late, but Riku had always thought that this was silly. He was a man, but he was a fashionable man, so why couldn't a fashionable man be fashionably late?

Riku was escorted to where Kairi was sitting. She smiled at him. "Men. You're always late."

Riku smiled back. "Well, us men, we're good for one thing."

"Oh yeah? What's that?"

"Eh, I don't know" Riku sat down.

"It's too bad that Sora couldn't come," said Kairi.

Riku grinned and leaned closer. "Not really. I'm sure that we can... get along... just _fine _without him." He winked at her.

Kairi blinked and decided to play along. "I'm sure that we can. What exactly are you suggesting?"

"I'm suggesting..." Riku leaned farther in and softly placed his lips on Kairi's.

Kairi was shocked. "B-but... What about Sora?" she asked after Riku pulled away.

"What about him? What he doesn't know can't hurt him." Riku grinned.

Kairi was silent for a moment, and then she came to her decision. "Yeah." She smiled back at Riku. Riku was much better then Sora anyway, he was charming, quick-witted, and very attractive. Besides: what Sora doesn't know can't hurt him... right?

* * *

Author's Note: Erm... yeah. That was quick... Well, Riku is VERY attractive, and betweenyou and me, Sora wasn't putting out. O:)And I had to make Wakka and Tidus gay, if they weren't, then certain bits of the story wouldn't have worked...  
Please review! I need e-mail, I become really sad if I open my e-mail and I have no e-mails... 

Next Chapter: we get to meet Riku's parents, yay!


	8. Caught without pants

Authors Note: When I opened my e-mail and found seventeen reviews I couldn't stop smiling for half an hour or so... I LOVE you guys! To all my reviewers a big hug! Thank you Lady Samurai (for commenting on every chapter!), carbuncle021, Gippal the Pimp (even though I can't really tell if you like the fic or not... thanks all the same!), Queen of the Insects (for being with me since the very begining), Lack Thereof (also for being with me since the begining), chocoholic freak, Kanilla-Master of Fluff (geez your name is hard to write, I always forget where the hypens and the capitals go so I have to check fifteen times. A big thank you to you also for being with me), ARandomKid, Jenni's Heart of Gold (yes, I hope that this will end up as a Riku/Sora yaoi), and Shounen-ai no Senshi. Did I already say that I love you guys? And... don't get upset if you didn't get a parenthesi...e...i? thing, it's because I'm feeling a bit brain-dead right now and can't think of cool things to write...  
Erm... This chapter turned out a bit longer then usual... sorry about that... But the next chapter will be shorter so I hope it'll be okay...

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, but I own the story, so read and enjoy but please do not take.

Summary: One day a man in a wet shirt and leather pants shows up on Sora's doorstep. So, Sora gets a roommate, a young artist named Riku who turns out to be the most charming person person he has ever met. So charming, infact, that he proceeds to charm the clothes right off of all of Sora's friends. But that's okay, because Sora doesn't know. Yet.

* * *

Riku was taking a shower. And then he heard voices. Again. They cornered him in the shower AGAIN! Only this time he had been cornered by people who were much worse than Kairi. And much older. But not less attractive. Riku had to get his looks from _someone_. Yes, the people who had just entered the apartment were(1) Riku's parents. 

"Hello? Are you Riku's parents? Welc-"

"Shut your mouth, monkey-boy! Where is my baby, where is Riku?" came the screeching voice of Riku's mother from the living room.

"Calm down, Angina, I'm sure that he's around here somewhere," came the rich, deep, and smooth voice of Riku's father (2). Riku would not say that the voice was sexy because since the voice belonged to his father, admitting the sexiness of said voice might be considered wrong and somehow inappropriate. But a fact does not need to be stated to be a fact. Riku's father has a very, very sexy voice (3).

"No I will _not _calm down! My... Oh alright, _our_! poor baby missed the banquet, what if something terrible happened to him?"

Well, thought Riku, nothing terrible had happened to have kept him away from the banquet. He had, infact, had a wonderful evening a couple of times over. Unfortunately for him, he knew that something terrible would soon happen to him that would negate the numerous hours spent with Sora's charming and very pliable girlfriend. That is, of course, if he couldn't find a way to escape.

Riku's gaze once again fell on the window. Yes, it was true that the window was on the fifth floor. It was also true that there was a tree right outside of the window. Well. Not _right _outside the window, but close enough that it was not necessarily life threatening for Riku to climb out of the window and into the tree. Which is what he did. Which was a very admirable and challenging task because Riku had only a small towel with which to cover himself.

Fortunately for Riku, one of the few fortunate things that would happen to him today, he was a pro. He was a pro at all types of things, and in his life he had often climbed out of fifth story windows wearing only a hand towel, and even more often wearing less than a hand towel.

He managed to climb down the tree without exposing anything more than necessary, to the great disappointment of the staring girl with the two toddlers who were trying to rip off her ears.

Once Riku was on solid ground once again, he retied his towel, brushed himself off, and got ready to make his prompt escape from Sora's apartment complete. And then his parents walked out the door to the building.

Riku's mother, Angina, stopped and stared. She was a beautiful woman, with pretty blond hair falling softly into her pretty blue eyes. She was wearing a slinky blue dress that managed to fully show off her (still very attractive) figure. But Riku's father, Sephiroth, was much more beautiful than even his beautiful wife. He had waist-long unnaturally shiny and unnaturally silver hair which happened to be all natural, in addition to a pale visage and delicate features. Just from looking at him a person could tell that something as mundane as _temperature _would not even _dare _to bother a great man like Sephiroth. In the 80 degree sunny weather of outside he was wearing a black sweater and a black leather jacket. He also stopped but he did not stare. Staring was beneath him. Instead he said, "Riku, what happened to your clothes?"

Riku shrugged. "You know how it is."

Sephiroth favored Riku with a slight nod. Yes, he _did_ know.

"Riku!" exclaimed Angina.

"Hi, mom," said Riku.

"Riku! You weren't at the banquet!"

"Um...no. You see..."

"Riku! You weren't at the banquet! You _knew _how important it was, and you just- you just-"

Sephiroth put a hand on Angina's shoulder and pulled her to him as if he were reigning in an unruly dog. "Why don't we hear our lovely son out," said Sephiroth with the unfeeling grace of an icicle. Angina instantly quieted down and limited herself to throwing angry glances at Riku.

"Yeah, well, what happened was..." Riku paused and scratched his ear. He was trying to come up with a lie, usually an easy task for him, but his mother's gaze had the effect of erasing his mind. So he looked at his dad. Sephiroth rolled his eyes. Sephiroth made sure that Angina wasn't watching and then mimicked throwing up. Very gracefully, of course; Sephiroth was always graceful. If he suddenly decided to roll around in the mud (he wouldn't, but for the purpose of this hypothetical situation he will) he would look more graceful then an Olympic ice skater on the ice (4).

"Yeah! I was- I was sick. _Terribly_ sick," said Riku. Sephiroth grabbed his own throat and acted like he couldn't breathe. "And... and I had a terrible cough! I could barely breathe, I could barely move!" Riku continued. Angina narrowed her eyes and hastily turned around. Only to find Sephiroth staring back at her with a bored expression. She turned back to Riku, her suspicions now gone.

"Oh, you poor baby!" She put a hand on Riku's forehead. "Well, I'm so glad that you're okay now! That's all we wanted to know, whether you didn't come because you were sick or something..." She patted Riku on the shoulder, then kissed him on the cheek. "Well, I'm glad that you're alright, honey," she smiled. "I'm sure that you felt bad for not coming, but it's alright! We're throwing another party next week, you can even bring the monkey-boy and his friends!"

Riku got a little green. "Sure mom, I'd love to."

"Alright, let's go, love," she said to Sephiroth.

"Good bye, son," said Sephiroth. He started to walk off, but then turned back. "I hope the one you missed the banquet for was good in bed, Riku. You're attractive enough not to settle for second best." And then Sephiroth left with his wife. Riku had always known that his father was psychic. In addition to grossly inappropriate.

* * *

(1) they're not _dead_, by the way, they're still alive (in a manner of speaking), it's just that I have to be consistent with the tenses... I don't know _why_, I just do... stupid rules! 

(2) Yes, I'm sure we are all sensing the obsession

(3) And here we see me abandon all attempts at proper grammar. Because Riku's dad is hot. Oh so HOTT! (notice, he's worthy of the double t's)

(4) Saddly enough, this is the only analogy I was able to come up with

Authors Note: well... there it is... I'm sorry that Riku's not so badass in this chapter... His badass-ness is just eclipsed by Sephiroth's badass-ness. But I assure you that Riku will be his regular self in the next chapter :)

Next Chapter: Sora makes an abrupt exit


	9. Riku moves on

Authors Note: Well, I blabbed the contents of this chapter to a friend and now I feel really bad for spoiling the story for her :(  
And now for the reviewers! Thank you to all those who have read my story, but especially to those who have reviewed: Lady Samurai (I agree, Sora _is _the perfect uke!), Queen of the Insects, Jaguira (I'm terribly sorry, but whatever happens, Kairi won't end up with anyone... I don't really like Kairi), Aeshma-daeva (did you change your pen name again? If you did, I applaud you!), BLACKSHEEP, Kanilla (thanks for letting me use a nickname!), and carbuncle021. Did I already say that I love you guys? You make my world go 'round :)  
And I shall take this time to remind you all that this is a pg-13 rated story, and as thus will have some pg-13 rated material. So, now that _that's _finished, read and enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, but I own the story, so read and enjoy but please do not take.

Summary: One day a man in a wet shirt and leather pants shows up on Sora's doorstep. So, Sora gets a roommate, a young artist named Riku who turns out to be the most charming person person he has ever met. So charming, infact, that he proceeds to charm the clothes right off of all of Sora's friends. But that's okay, because Sora doesn't know. Yet.

* * *

Riku came back into the apartment and faced two pairs of stunned eyes. Wakka was stunned at the fact that Riku, who had previously been in the shower, had now magically walked through the front door. That, and the fact that Riku was almost naked. Sora, on the other hand, was more stunned at the encounter with Riku's parents (as stated earlier, he was quite used to Riku walking around the apartment less-than-fully clothed). 

"So... your parents are..." said Sora. Unfortunately he couldn't think of an appropriate word. "Your parents are," he finished.

Riku brushed some dirt off of the towel before nodding. "Yes, they're very charming people."

"Well... that's nice, I guess," replied Sora. Wakka, on the other hand, was being plagued by another thought.

"Riku, man, how is it that you and your father have silver hair?"

"I have no idea. I'm quite fond of it though. Along with most of the people that I've ever met."

"So, why did your parents come here?" asked Sora.

"They have come to see why I was not able to come to the banquet my mother threw recently," was the prompt reply. "Fortunately for me, or so my mother has said, she has invited us to her next party."

Sora blinked. He often blinked, but there was something very significant about this particular blink. "A... a _party_?"

Riku smiled evilly. "Yes. A party. A fancy dress party, infact."

"That's nic- wait a minute." Sora narrowed his eyes. "_Us_? Who is _us_?"

"Why, you and me, of course! And any other friends that you might want to bring along."

"Wait, me? But I can't! Do I really have to?"

"Oh, come on, Sora! I can't miss this or my mother will have my hide, and it would be so tedious without you there to entertain me. You can bring along any other friends!" Riku turned to Wakka and smiled. "Why don't _you_ come, Wakka?"

No one had the chance to answer because that was when Kairi walked in. "Sora, hi! Riku? Um... hi..."

Sora walked over to her and they shared a brief kiss. Sora turned back to face Riku. "That's right, I forgot to ask you guys about last night! How did that go?"

Kairi blushed. "Um... it went... it was... it was very... educational?"

"Educational?" asked Sora.

Kairi blushed. "Well... actually..."

Riku suppressed a sigh. Kairi was babbling like an idiot. She would surely give both of them away. He smiled. "We had a wonderful time. It was educational because we learned to eat snails. It's a lot more tricky than it seems, you know." Riku smiled at Sora and gave Kairi a friendly pat on the back. "Thanks to you, Sora, Kairi and I have gotten the chance to get to know each other better and now we're _very _good friends."

Sora looked from Riku to Kairi blankly. "Well, _that's_ good, I suppose..."

"Well, um, Sora?" said Kairi, "the reason that I came was to remind you that you promised to fix my sink..."

"Oh, yeah! Right now?"

"Now would be nice."

Sora grinned apologetically at Wakka and Riku. "Oh... Well, in that case: bye guys! Don't kill each other."

Riku nodded and an odd spark entered his eyes. "Of course we won't kill each other! I'm sure that we'll get along quite... well."

"Ya, bye Sora," said Wakka. Sora waved at them and then let himself be dragged off by Kairi.

After the door closed there was an uncomfortable moment of silence. Riku turned to Wakka and grinned.

Wakka got a little scared, Riku had a hungry look in his eyes. What if he was a cannibal? It was possible! After all, none of them really knew anything about Riku! So Wakka did the only thing he could think to do. "Well, I think that it's best if I go now." He tried to escape. He got up off the couch and headed to the door, only to find Riku blocking his way.

"Must you, really?" asked Riku.

"Erm..." said Wakka. He said this because Riku was advancing on him. "Erm..." he said again, but this time it was because Riku was so close they were almost touching. Wakka took an uncomfortable step back. "Ya. I have to leave..."

Riku kept moving forward, Wakka kept stepping back. Until he hit the couch. Wakka found that he really hated the couch for blocking his way. Wakka stopped moving, but Riku did not. Wakka was now very aware of Riku's state of undress.

"I don't think that you _really _have to leave..."

Wakka was panicking. Why was Sora's roommate so close to him? "B-but..."

Riku was now leaning forward, Wakka's panic forcing Wakka to lean back. Which eventually lead them to a very uncomfortable position. Riku pressed a light kiss to Wakka's lips.

"B-b-but what about T-Tidus?"

Riku grinned. "You know what they say... What he doesn't know can't hurt him..."

"B-but I don't think I should..."

"Don't you _want _to?"

"I... I'm not sure."

"Come on," Riku raised an eyebrow, "it's not like Tidus'll ever find out..."

Well, Wakka supposed that Riku was right. "Well... alright... but I wanna be on top!"

"Not a chance." Riku grinned wider and Wakka found that he didn't really care anymore.

* * *

Authors Note: O.o erm. Yeah. Was that too much detail? Don't kill me, please... 

Next Chapter: Riku gets to know Tidus


	10. The one with the violence

Authors Note: It's hard to believe that it's the tenth chapter. Tenth chapter... like woah... I look at this fic and it just seems weird that I was the one who wrote it... As a special tenth chapter treat, this chapter is abnormally long and it has violence for those who like violence and cursing for those who like cursing and perverted jokes who are perverts (...me). Reviewers! You are all inflating my ego and I love you all! Thank you Jaguira (imposing? are you kidding? You're a reviewer and I love you), Lady Samurai (yes, Riku's a slut :) that's the way I see him, though...), Kanilla (who said anything about a bed? ;), shadowsdancingdragon (hia! I'm so glad that you read this!), Queen of the Insects (Sora was the one that opened the door for Riku's parents, he was the one that was called monkey-boy), RikuRox (yay! I'm glad you like this fic!), BlueEyedDemon1 (it will be a crime to all humanity if Riku were to keep his hands to himself!), Aeshma-daeva (I'm glad that you thought it was funny!), chocoholic freak (I'm just happy that you're happy), and Lack Thereof (don't apologize! I'm glad that you enjoyed it!)

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, but I own the story, so read and enjoy but please do not take.

Summary: One day a man in a wet shirt and leather pants shows up on Sora's doorstep. So, Sora gets a roommate, a young artist named Riku who turns out to be the most charming person person he has ever met. So charming, infact, that he proceeds to charm the clothes right off of all of Sora's friends. But that's okay, because Sora doesn't know. Yet.

* * *

Riku walked out of his room, wiping his hands on his pants. He looked at the clock, and then he heard the cheerful music coming from the TV. He looked down and tried to rub a spot of purple paint from his elbow. "What are you watching, Sora? Cartoons?" Riku smirked and looked up. 

"AAAAUUUGHHHHH!" Riku screamed when he saw the screen, stopped paying attention to where he was walking and stepped on a sheet of paper. The paper slid on the carpet taking his foot, and, subsequently, his whole self, with it. Riku fell on his butt with a thump. "What are these papers doing on the floor and what the _hell _are you watching!"

Sora took a handful of popcorn and tried to stuff it all into his mouth. "That's my final essay. I got an A and scattered it in happiness."

Riku picked up the sheet of paper on which he tripped. It definitely did _not _have an A on it. Riku stood up, brushed himself off and plopped down on the couch next to Sora. "So _what _are we watching?"

"We're not sure, it's in Spanish, you see. But we think that it's porn," came a voice from the other side of Riku. Riku turned around and grinned.

"Hello! We haven't really been introduced, have we? You're Tidus, right?"

Tidus grinned. "Yeah, hello Riku." They shook hands before turning back to the TV. Riku took the bowl of popcorn from Sora's hands. Sora glanced at him but didn't protest.

"Oh, look, you're wearing a shirt..." said Sora but the screen re-captured his attention almost instantaneously. He forgot that he no longer had the bowl of popcorn and stuffed some air into his mouth.

"So, what are they doing to each other?" asked Riku.

"As I said, we don't really know, but the word 'penetration' comes to mind." There was a moment of silence.

Riku nodded. "Why areher-"

"His," corrected Tidus.

"Really? Well... why are his legs are bending that way...?" It wasn't really a question, so his only answer was silence."I didn't even know that there _was _Spanish porn..."

Tidus and Sora nodded. "Well, we just turned the TV on and there it was!" said Tidus, motioning towards the screen.

"Really? What channel is it?"

"We don't know, we're afraid that if we check, it will go away."

Riku sat for a moment, and then popped a piece of popcorn into his mouth. And then he spit it out. "How much butter did you put in it?" he yelped. Sora shrugged. Riku felt a little bad for spitting on the carpet, but this feeling quickly subsided when he realized that even if it left a stain, the color of the carpet would mask it quite well.

The doorbell rang but no one payed it any attention. It rang again. And again. And again...

Finally Riku stood up with a sigh. "I'll get it..." He dropped the bowl of popcorn back into Sora's lap. Sora didn't notice.

Riku made his way towards the door, still managing to stare at the TV screen. And then he opened the door and forgot all about the Spanish porn.

"RIKU!" yelled the person who was standing on the other side. "RIKU, YOU BASTARD!"

Sora and Tidus looked up. Riku grinned apologetically. "Just an old friend of mine," he explained, "I think I'll talk to him _outside_..."

"I AM NO FRIEND OF YOURS, YOU PIECE OF SHIT!"

Riku stepped into the corridor and closed the door behind him. He smiled in a friendly manner. "What brings _you_ here, Seifer?"

Seifer grabbed Riku by the collar of his shirt. Riku winced as he was slammed into the wall. "You _know_ why I'm here, you little rat!"

Riku was quick to recover; he narrowed his eyes as the smile left his face. "Believe me, I have _no _idea."

Seifer leaned in so close that Riku saw his own reflection in the blond man's eyes. "I'm here to beat the crap out of you, you disgusting slime!"

Riku narrowed his eyes before kneeing Seifer in the crotch. Seifer sank down to the ground with a rather loud sound of agony. Riku stepped back from the wall and fixed the collar of his plain shirt. "How rude," he said before stepping away from the wheezing blond on the ground.

"Oh, go fuck a duck," spit out Seifer, looking up into Riku's eyes. "Oh, I forgot, you already _have_!"

Riku rubbed his temples. Now he was getting angry. "How many times do I have to tell you? That was just a rumor sent around by my ex-girlfriend when she found out I was cheating on her with the girl's soccer team. And those photos were _obviously_ fake!"

"Yeah, yeah, that's what they _all_ say!"

"Do you _want_ me to kick you?"

Sora stuck his head out of the apartment. "Are you two alright? We heard some yelling and some thumps..."

Riku turned to Sora and the smile returned to his face. "We're just _fine_! My friend, here, has fallen, you see. But he's just peachy!" Seifer noticed that Riku was distracted and took his chance to pounce. He sprang up, his hands out, ready to grab Riku's shirt and pull him down to the floor. Riku elbowed Seifer in the face. The blond fell back to the floor, but then tried to grab Riku by the ankle. Riku retaliated by stepping on the offending hand. Seifer tried the same thing with his other, but groaned in pain when Riku ground his heel into Seifer's palm. "I _said_," said Riku, "that he was just _peachy_!" He glared at Seifer.

Sora hadn't looked convinced before and now just looked confused and slightly scared. Still, he thought that Riku being who he was, this might be some kind of strange greeting ritual between him and his old friends. "If you say so, I guess..." He went back into the apartment and closed the door gently behind him.

Seifer motioned at the now closed door with his head. "Is he your new chump?" he asked once Riku removed his foot.

"I wouldn't call him a _chump_, but yes, he's my new roommate."

"What is it with you and the pretty brunettes?"

Riku shrugged. "It was purely accidental."

Seifer stood up carefully. He cradled his hand to his chest and his nose was bleeding.

Riku crossed his arms and leaned against the wall. "Look, can we get this over with? I've got things to do, people to see..."

Seifer seemed to be in a lot of pain. "Yeah, damn right we're gonna get this over with! Just... later."

"It's now or never, because if you come to me with the intent to do me harm ever again, I won't hold back."

Seifer ground his teeth together. "Alright," he said after a moment. "I won't come back, but only if you answer a question for me."

Riku uncrossed his arms and stood up straighter. "Fine. Ask the question."

There was a moment of silence during which Seifer looked uncharacteristically ashamed. He took a deep breath. "Alright... Why?"

Riku grinned. "Why? What a generic question. But since you want to know, I'll tell you. I do it because that's how I get inspiration for my art."

Seifer stepped back. "WHAT? You _ruined _my _life _just so that you could _paint a picture_?"

Riku made a noncomitted noise. "Pfft. I would hardly say that I _ruined _your life. I just let you know what kind of people were in it. I even helped you, in a way."

"HELPED ME? The love of my life _left_ _me_ because of you!"

Riku paused. "_She_ left _you_? _That's_ a bit hypocritical! She was even less reluctant to get into bed than you were..."

Seifer's eyes widened. "What? She would _never_...!"

Riku laughed. "So she not only cheated on you, but then she also lied about it? No, I feel that I helped you. Otherwise you would have gone on to marry her. And then she would have cheated on you anyway. You should be grateful."

Seifer only felt surprised and angry. So he spit at Riku, missed, and left the building. And at least Riku thought that he was helping people, so _that_ was good.

* * *

Authors Note: I bet you didn't see _that _coming! Or maybe you did. And don't worry, Riku did NOT fuck a duck, and he NEVER WILL. Anyway. I hope you guys like it... 

Next Chapter: Riku and Sora eat some pie


	11. Meet the parents

Author's Note: Sorry for the delay, but I was totaly swamped with school work. But as soon as I got a chance, I finished this and here it is! Because that's the kind of person I am... sometimes. Thanks to: Kanilla, Queen of the Insects, BlueEyedDemon1, BLACKSHEEP, carbuncle x3, 13CC, demonmaster-999, Lack Thereof, Lady Samurai, Jaguira, Aeshma-Daeva, chocoholic freak,mango smoothies, EE2, and, of course, Derek. I love you ALL! Thank you so much, this story now has over 80 reviews! A virtual hug to you all :)

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, but I own the story, so read and enjoy but please do not take.

Summary: One day a man in a wet shirt and leather pants shows up on Sora's doorstep. So, Sora gets a roommate, a young artist named Riku who turns out to be the most charming person person he has ever met. So charming, infact, that he proceeds to charm the clothes right off of all of Sora's friends. But that's okay, because Sora doesn't know. Yet.

* * *

It was nine in the morning. It was, in Sora's opinion, earlier than anyone should have to ever get up. Unfortunately for him, Riku thought that it was the absolute _perfect _time to start a new day, and, since Sora was a light sleeper, his day-starting inevitably woke up his cranky roommate. Sora had tried to reason with Riku, but Riku had the strange opinion that getting up early was _good_ for him, or, more accurately, for the both of them. Riku really was so _silly _at times. The doorbell rang. "Sooooooooooooora!" 

Sora groaned and slapped his hand to his forehead. "Oh no, NO!"

"Sora! Open up, honey!"

Sora curled up into a little ball on the couch.

"Sora! Open up, love, we've got pie!"

Riku peeked out of the bathroom, his toothbrush still in his mouth. "Pie?"

"Sora, come on, now," came a male voice from behind the door. "We know you're in there..."

Riku rinsed out his mouth and walked out of the bathroom. "Well? What are you waiting for? Whoever they are, they have _pie_!"

Sora glared at Riku but nevertheless opened the door. A rather plump lady with dark brown hair and two pies came inside. She was followed by a tall blond man who looked like he spent a fortune on hair gel (1). The man smiled as his wife set the pies on the kitchen table.

"Sora, hello!" said the woman.

"Hello mom, dad..." said Sora reluctantly.

"Hello Sora's parents!" said Riku while enthusiastically eyeing the pies.

"Hello... who is _this_?" Sora's father asked Sora.

Riku held out his hand. "I'm Riku, Sora's roommate." He shook hands with Sora's father.

"Hello, Riku, my name is Cloud and my wife's name is Aeris," the blond man replied.

"Nice to meet you, dear," said Aeris. She looked around and clapped her hands. "Well, why don't we get to work on these pies! Sora, honey, why don't you go put the kettle on the stove?"

Sora grumbled a bit but went to do what he was told. Meanwhile Riku and Cloud stood staring at each other while Aeris did... something(2).

"So. Riku," began Cloud, "what is it that you do?"

"I'm an artist."

"An artist!" Aeris gushed, "how lovely!"

Cloud was less enthusiastic. "Hm. An _artist_. I hope you're not one of those fruitcakes who paint the noses upside down and the too many eyes..."

"Um...no. My style is very traditional..." said Riku after a little while of Cloud's ranting.

"Good. I hate those idiots. Anyone can splatter paint on a canvas."

"I whole heartedly agree with you," said Riku.

"And all of that stuff about expressing _feelings _is total bull crap that they say just so that they can get out of trying! I think that-"

Aeris put a comforting hand on Cloud's shoulder. "It's alright, honey. He _agrees _with you," she nodded her head as if she were talking to a child. Cloud slowly calmed down.

"So... Mr.-"

"Oh, just call me Cloud, I insist!"

"Alright... Cloud... what is it that _you _do for a living?"

"I'm a lawyer."

Riku nodded his head as if he were really impressed. He was, in fact, not. He had known far too many lawyers in his life. Most of them had had very loose morals, and five of them had committed murder. One of them had been a serial killer and had committed twelve murders (interestingly enough, all were _other _lawyers that Riku had known) before he had been caught by the police. Riku had to admit, though, Cloud did not fit the sharp and well-dressed mold.

Aeris patted her husband's arm. "He mostly does pro-bono work," she beamed at him in pride (3).

Riku nodded. That explained it. A lawyer that works for free is not a lawyer by definition, only by name. They all sat down, Riku sitting across the table from Sora's father.

Sora came back from the kitchen, magically managing to hold four steaming mugs at once (this was a hidden talent of his).

"Thank you, love," said Aeris to Sora as she took two cups from him and set them on the table. She handed him a knife and he began to cut up the pies. "Why don't you tell him about the case of the potted plant, honey?" Aeris asked of Cloud.

Riku leaned in. "_The _potted plant case?" he asked with newfound enthusiasm. The case of the potted plant was, in short, a husband suing his wife for dropping a potted plant on his head after he had tried to strangle her. Since she didn't get hurt but he _did_, he was the one that got to play the victim, never mind the fact that he started it.

Cloud nodded. "Yes. I was the lawyer on the behalf of the wife."

Riku raised an eyebrow. "Didn't the wife _loose_?" He didn't _need_ to ask, he _knew_ that she lost; he also knew the lawyer that had worked for the husband. Now he was just trying to piss Cloud off. Riku was actually very good at pissing people off because he was good at finding people's buttons and, since he liked buttons, then pressing them.

Cloud slammed his hand on the table. It made a large _thump _sound and the tea spilled out of its mugs. But not all of it, a fact for which Sora was grateful; he did not want to go and make more tea. Aeris and Sora looked at Cloud disapprovingly. "Damn right she lost! How could she win when the husband had that smug, slimy, silver-haired, _bastard_ as his lawyer? The disgusting snake bribed the judge, I just know it!"

Sora wiped off the bottom of his mug with his sleeve. Aeris patted Cloud on the shoulder. Riku grinned wider and wider. But, being a tactful young man, a quality which most young men lack, he tried his best to hide his grin when Cloud looked up. He succeeded moderately well.

"Well, I'm sure you'll get him next time... Cloud," he said after a moment.

"You're damn right, there'll be a next time! I swear, the slippery bastard is _stalking_ me!"

"Don't swear, honey," said Aeris as she took a sip of tea. Cloud took a slice of pie. Sora was by now not paying attention, and, in fact, hadn't been for the past ten minutes. Ten minutes during which he had managed to single-handedly consume half of the apple pie. Riku was not at all upset by this, and had by now forgotten all about the pie. This was really turning out to be much more interesting then he could have ever hoped.

"Well... Cloud and Ms.-"

"Just call me Aeris, dear, 'Ms.' makes me feel so old!"

"Aeris... I would really like for you to meet my parents! They are throwing a party this weekend... Why don't you come?'

"That's lovely dear, we'll be there! Won't we, Cloud?"

* * *

(1) That, or he got electrocuted daily 

(2) Something very productive, no doubt

(3) Hopefully pro-bono is the right word. If it isn't... well I'm sure you all understand me

Authors Note: In my mind Aeris gets fat during her marriage to Cloud because... well... _pie_! And Cloud becomes a cranky guy, because... well... _Aeris_! And I'm sure we all know who the other lawyer is... Yes, I quite think that my obsession has no bounds.

Next Chapter: A rainy day


	12. A night without Sora

Authors Note: Well, I decided to get on with it :) I'm warning you though, there are a couple of very long rambling sentences. I hope that they're not too confusing, but I like them, so I've decided to leave them in. No matter what Word says... Word is rather evil sometimes. The only thing that it's really good for is spell check. It has absolutely no concept of proper grammar...  
I'd like to thank all my readers but especially my reviewers: Kanilla (if you don't figure it out, you'll find out soon who the other lawyer is), Sunshine Pie (this was really meant to be a Riku/Sora story... it has other ideas though...), VainFirechild-EverSoVain (I'd like for them to screw, but it all depends on them), Jaguira (Riku's mothers is an OC... I couldn't think of a good FF character... Tifa was on the list for a little while, though), Aeshma-Daeva (this chapter was written with you in mind), Wolfkun (sucks what happened to your computer :( I'm glad that you like the story though!), chocoholic freak (I like pie, too), Leonhart Zero (I don't understand why so many people can't accept it, it seems blatantly obvious to me! I mean, they have the same hair and eye color and personality! ...almost the same personality). Thanks guys!

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, but I own the story, so read and enjoy but please do not take.

Summary: One day a man in a wet shirt and leather pants shows up on Sora's doorstep. So, Sora gets a roommate, a young artist named Riku who turns out to be the most charming person he has ever met. So charming, infact, that he proceeds to charm the clothes right off of all of Sora's friends. But that's okay, because Sora doesn't know. Yet.

* * *

It was raining, but Riku didn't mind. He thought that the sound of the rain was soothing, and he rather enjoyed seeing distraught, half-naked men with only newspapers to shelter them from the rain running about (1). What Riku _did _mind was that his painting looked like a piece of crap on an easel. He minded so much, in fact, that he finally ripped said painting off of said easel and chucked it out the inexplicably open window. It was actually a rather nice painting of a number of demons playing what seemed to be a number of rather violent games with some rather unhappy looking humans and it landed in the middle of the road with a wet-sounding smack. He watched it for a moment. A car ran over it, leaving a demon's smirking face to be a permanent skidmark. Riku felt slightly more satisfied. Unfortunately, he was still in a bit of a destructive mood. 

The doorbell rang. Riku got up, put on a pair of pants, and left his room to go open it. He found that behind the door was a person that he had been wanting to see for quite some time.

"Hey, Riku. Is Sora home?" asked Tidus.

Riku smiled pleasantly and stepped back. "Why don't you come on in?" Tidus shrugged. Tidus came in. Riku closed the door behind him with an expression more commonly associated with the expression of satisfaction on an insane serial killer's face while carefully cutting one of his victims into carefully thin strips.

Tidus looked around the empty apartment. "Sora!" he called out. When he got no answer he turned back to Riku, who hid his smile from the blond in worry of scaring him off.

"Sora is, regrettably," he said the word as if he didn't regret anything at all, "not home right now." He paused for a moment to look into Tidus' eyes. "What, exactly, do you need him for?"

Tidus tried not to notice the strange expression on Riku's face. He tried to reason with himself that Riku _always _had a strange expression on his face, but he couldn't help growing more and more alarmed as Riku started walking towards him.

"I need Sora..." why _did _he need Sora? Riku's presence was getting more and more distracting as Tidus became more and more aware of it getting closer to him. "I need Sora because..."

"Yes...?" Riku almost purred.

Tidus blinked. He tried to remember why it was that he needed Sora, but his mind seemed to be blanketed with an impenetrable fog.

"I need Sora because he was supposed to tell me..."

"Yes...?" Riku's mouth was curling upward at the edges as if of its own accord. He stopped worrying about scaring Tidus. Tidus would not be leaving any time soon.

Tidus frowned and furrowed his brow. He tried his absolute hardest to remember what it was that he had wanted from Sora. He gave up with a loud sigh. "Look, I don't _know _what I wanted! This is all very distracting! I just don't know... I wanted a recipe or _something_..."

Riku shrugged and moved back. "Well, if you came out all this way, it must have been important... Why don't you stay a while? I'm sure that Sora will be back soon..."

Tidus felt that he really shouldn't be nodding, but didn't understand _why _he shouldn't be nodding, so he nodded anyway.

Riku poured out some wine for the both of them. It wasn't enough to get either of them drunk, but it would be enough to get Tidus to relax. A bit. Riku grinned into his glass of wine.

"So, when is Sora going to be back, d'you think?" asked Tidus after he had finished the wine.

"Should be soon, any minute now."

Riku looked at Tidus, deciding which tactic to use. He felt that Tidus would be a hard nut to crack (2).

"You know, Tidus," said Riku after a moment. He toyed with his still half-full glass. "I've been meaning to tell you this for a long time..." He paused dramatically. It worked to build the tension in the room rather nicely. The words "I've been meaning to tell you this..." are right up there with "there's something I need to say..." and "we need to Talk."

Tidus leaned forward in his seat in horrified anticipation.

"I'm afraid that Wakka has been cheating on you," said Riku finally. But he was not afraid at all. He was, in fact, quite satisfied that Wakka was cheating on Tidus, and even more satisfied at the fact that Wakka was cheating on Tidus with _him_. However, Riku was a very good actor when he needed to be. Or when he was trying to get someone into bed with him.

Tidus frowned. "Wakka? I... are you sure?"

Riku nodded gravely. "I'm very sorry, Tidus, but I'm afraid that it's true."

Tidus sat back with a stunned expression on his face. "I never thought that he would do such a thing..."

Riku waited.

"But... he said that he loved me..."

Riku waited.

"He said that he would never..."

Riku waited.

"He said that he would never lie to me..."

Riku waited.

"That bastard!"

There. Riku grinned. And now he was in control.

Tidus slammed his fist on the table and the glasses shook. The wine bottle fell over, and wine started to spill out. Riku righted it carefully, and turned back to watch the rest of Tidus' rage. "I can _not_ believe this! The lying, cheating..."

Riku put a hand on Tidus' cheek. "Don't you just want to get back at him...?" he murmured. Tidus blinked.

"...Yes. _Yes_, I _do _want to get back at him."

Riku smiled and brushed his hand through Tidus' obscenely blond hair. "Well, you know, I am completely at your disposal..."

Tidus blinked again. "Are you? Well, in that case..."

They kissed for a rather long time, in the process managing to make a series of rather interesting noises. And then Riku stood up and led Tidus to his bedroom where they preceded to do some very R rated things. All the while, Riku had known perfectly well that Sora would not be back for a very long time.

* * *

(1) This (seeing half-naked men running about with only newspapers to shelter them from the rain) has actually happened to me, except that it was hailing at the time 

(2) Not that seducing people has _anything _to do with cracking nuts. Nevertheless, it seems like an appropriate analogy.

Authors Note: Well, I hope you liked it! And remember: I love reviews!

Next Chapter: Riku takes a bath


	13. Dark Lord of Darkness

Author's Note: I really have nothing to say, so I'll just go ahead and thank the reviewers: Lack Thereof (Riku does a lot of things in the nude O.O or at least _my _Riku does..), SeeingThrough (hello and welcome!), carbuncle x3 (I try to update soon... it doesn't always work, though...), Chocobo Obsessed (hi Iris!), Aeshma-Daeva(yes... but that's because there aren't that many girls in the plot), Jaguira (don't worry, they'll go soon), Casey ( I disagree, I think that Sephie's hotter than Riku...), demonmaster-999 (I'm glad that you'll keep reading! It'll probably get wierder, though...), Kanilla ( He wasn't _completely _naked, he had on these teeny tiny tightie-whities... thanks for the lovely long review!), cRoZx aNgeL (I'm glad that you like it!), lucky-g (I really appreciate your review, thank you! I also agree with the modern art thing...), Devil dog (hm... I never thought of it that way... I guess that room for rent _does _sound less creepy... Ah well, I'm too lazy to change it now :) thanks for the review).

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, but I own the story, so read and enjoy but please do not take.

Summary: One day a man in a wet shirt and leather pants shows up on Sora's doorstep. So, Sora gets a roommate, a young artist named Riku who turns out to be the most charming person he has ever met. So charming, infact, that he proceeds to charm the clothes right off of all of Sora's friends. But that's okay, because Sora doesn't know. Yet.

* * *

Sora couldn't figure out what he was going to wear to the banquet. Riku didn't care at all and was therefore soaking in the bathtub. That is, until the phone rang. Sora couldn't be bothered to attend to such a trivial matter as the phone, especially while he was looking through his closet, and so Riku was forced to leave his warm bath. 

"Hello, would you like to buy one of our new vacuum cleaners? They're top of the li-" Began the telemarketer. Her name was Joe and she had lovely blond hair. Had Riku been able to see her, he would have immediately fallen in lust with her.

"I'm really not interested," interrupted Riku and, because he _couldn't_, in fact, see her, prepared to hang up.

"_Excuse_ me! Do you _have _to interrupt me?" she asked, outraged.

"Well, I was taking a bath; did _you_ have to interrupt _me_?"

"Yes! It's my _job_!" Joe yelled before hanging up.

Riku looked at the phone with surprise. This was not the first time that a telemarketer had hung up on him, but it _was_ the first time that a telemarketer had hung up on him when he hadn't tried to make him/her/any-other-gender hang up on him. Riku actually made quite a sport of making telemarketers hang up on him. Mostly he just hit on them; but if the telemarketer was really insistent, Riku enjoyed telling him/her/any-other-gender that he was going to make baby soup out of their children. This worked every time, not counting the times that the telemarketer did not _have _any children, and the times that the police had showed up at Riku's door. After the fifth visit from the police (and the fifth policeman that Riku dumped) Riku had finally stopped using the "baby-soup" line, but he still had very fond memories of it.

"Riku!" yelled Sora from his room. "Have you seen my clothes?" He sounded as if he were on the verge of hysteria (and he was), so Riku decided to go check up on him. Riku walked into Sora's room and saw him on the floor looking under his bed.

"Well... There are the clothes that you are currently wearing..." suggested Riku in a mildly amused tone of voice.

Sora looked up. "No, you don't _understand_! I need to find some clothes for the banquet!"

"Well..." said Riku, "There are the clothes that you are currently wearing..."

"Riku! I am currently wearing an oversized t-shirt and a pair of boxers!" yelled Sora. He was more than a bit upset and therefore didn't realize that Riku could plainly see which clothes Sora was wearing.

"Well, I see nothing wrong with them," Riku said again. He could imagine the expression his mother would have if Sora walked in dressed as he was, and Riku _really _wanted to see that expression in real life. And take a picture, or a couple hundred. Riku was not above a lot of things, blackmailing his mother was one of them.

"Riku! Would you stop being a pervert and help me look for them!"

"You need to relax, sunshine," said Riku. "How about, I'll let you borrow something of mine?"

Sora sighed with exasperation. "Riku, you barely have enough clothes for yourself. How can you possibly lend _me _some?" Sora turned back to his bed and stuck his hand under, still trying to find something wearable.

Riku raised an eyebrow. "I have plenty of clothes, Sora."

"Yeah?" asked Sora without even looking at his silver-haired roommate, "then how come you never wear them?"

Riku shrugged, a motion that was completely lost on Sora but which he did anyway out of habit. "I just don't like wearing clothes. I feel trapped."

"You should go live in a nudist colony," said Sora before pulling an old shoe from under the bed.

"Sora! Are you trying to get rid of me?" asked Riku in a half-joking manner. "I'm appalled! Besides, I _have _lived in a nudist colony. It wasn't that great. There were a lot of ugly old men and women. The freedom to walk around naked isn't really worth having to endure _that_."

"I suppose I should have expected..." said Sora. There was a moment of silence. And then Sora shrieked and leaped back from the bed. "OH MY GOD!"

Riku stepped forward worriedly. "What's wrong?"

Sora looked up at Riku with wide eyes. "Something just _bit _me!" Sora looked back at the bed, made a strangled noise at the back of his throat and started to slowly back away.

"Do you know what it was?" asked Riku.

"No... Oh my god! What if it's the boogie man?"

Riku raised an eyebrow. "The boogie man doesn't exist, Sora."

Sora was by then standing next to (and a little behind) Riku. "Yeah, yeah, that's what they _all_ say, but how can you really be sure?"

Riku patted Sora on the shoulder. "When I was seven I armed myself with a helmet, a candle, and a butter knife and went on a week-long quest to end the boogie man's reign of terror (1). I looked under every single bed and in every single closet in my house. I didn't find him, and my house has sixty-five closets. If the boogie man existed, he would have been in one of them."

Sora was silent for a moment. "That doesn't help me deal with the fact that there is a biting... _thing_... living under my bed."

They heard something move under said bed, and a small cloud of dust drifted out. Sora whimpered and clutched Riku's arm. "Do you mind if I sleep with you tonight?" (2)

Riku _never_ minded.

* * *

(1) Riku neglected to mention that he had wanted to push the boogie man off of his throne so that he, Riku, could sit on it instead. Telling your friends that your childhood dream was to become a Dark Lord of Darkness is probably not very smart. They might, after all, steal your idea and then you'll have to kill them when you rise to power. And that would be a shame, because good friends are hard to come by these days. 

(2) Don't worry/Sorry depending on your preferences, but nothing's gonna happen between Riku and Sora this chapter. Sora is still dating Kairi, and he's a good little puppy who isn't going to cheat on his lovely red-haired slut :)

Next Chapter: This is what you've all been waiting for (or at least I know one of you has been waiting for this): the banquet!


	14. The banquet

Authors Note: Hello, all. Sorry that this is a bit later than usual... I could use the excuse that I was too busy getting the sixth Harry Potter book to update... but I feel that that's an invalid excuse seeing as how I'm not going to read it right away. But it's pretty in a very green way. I like green, aside from yellow it's my favorite color :)  
Thank you for your wonderful reviews: SatoDai Fan (I'm trying with the Riku/Sora but it just refuses to happen! Grrrr...), Casey (I don't really mind telemarketers that much, they're only doing their job...), Queen of the Insects (they never sleep O.O), kana (down with Kairi! This fic isn't as Kairi hating as my first fic, though), Jaguira (whatever was under Sora's bed is for you to decide... it wasn't the boogie-man, though. I can tell you that much), OK-kun (I think that evil pervy Riku is cool, too), Lack Thereof (I'm glad that you liked the last chapter :) and it looks as though more people were looking forward to the banquet than I thought), Aeshma-Daeva (_dark _lord of darkness... It probably _would_ be fun...), rogue solus (I'm glad that you like it!), Cacao Me (No, thank _you_! Comments brighten up my mood as well). 

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, but I own the story, so read and enjoy but please do not take.

Summary: One day a man in a wet shirt and leather pants shows up on Sora's doorstep. So, Sora gets a roommate, a young artist named Riku who turns out to be the most charming person he has ever met. So charming, infact, that he proceeds to charm the clothes right off of all of Sora's friends. But that's okay, because Sora doesn't know. Yet.

* * *

The door was opened by a young man wearing a square hat. The young man winked at Riku, who pretended that he had failed to notice. He had ended things with the doorman _months _ago, and yet the doorman still persisted.

They walked into a grand ballroom full of beautifully dressed people.

"Well, isn't this... lovely?" said Aeris. It wasn't lovely, but lovely was the only word in her vocabulary that even marginally fit the occasion. The more accurate word would have been _awesome_, in the original sense, meaning inspiring awe.

Sora inhaled deeply. Kairi smiled. Tidus looked around in wonder. Wakka scratched his nose, and Cloud raised an eyebrow. Riku shrugged. "Here it is," he said.

A pretty girl in a yellow dress rushed up to them. "Riku! Where have you been? I missed you...!" She threw her arms around him.

Riku looked marginally uncomfortable. "Well... everyone. This is Selphie, my girlfriend."

"And don't you forget it, Riku, dear!" she exclaimed before giving him a quick kiss. "Riku, who are your friends?" she asked a moment later.

Riku put a hand on Sora's shoulder and pushed him forward a bit. "This is Sora, my roommate."

"Your roommate!" Selphie smiled and shook Sora's hand energetically. "But how can you stand him walking around naked all the time? When _I _lived with him, I just _couldn't _stand it, so I bought him some clothes-"

"Which is why I moved out," interrupted Riku. "Okay, moving on," he said before Selphie could start talking again. He motioned towards Kairi, "this is Sora's girlfriend, Kairi."

"Wow!" said Selphie, "you're pretty! If you weren't Sora's girlfriend, Riku would be all over you!"

Kairi laughed nervously. "Yeah... heh heh...I guess."

"And who's this? You're cute!" Selphie leaned in towards Tidus. Riku took her by the elbow and pulled her back.

"You don't stand a chance, love. This is Tidus, the red head next to him is Wakka." Riku stopped. "They're both gay. Together," he whispered into her ear.

"It's alright," Selphie grinned, "_you _were gay when I met _you_..."

"Not quite... I was pretending to be gay so that you would leave me alone."

"No!"

"Yes... you were very annoying back then..." A normal person would react to such a statement by furrowing their brows, getting really angry, and/or slapping the person who had the audacity to issue the statement. Selphie reacted by grinning and nudging Riku in the side.

"Yeah, yeah. Now who are these lovely people that you have neglected to introduce?"

Riku glanced up. "Those are Sora's parents, Cloud Strife and Aeris Gainsborough-Strife."

Selphie let her smile slip for a moment. "Oh... Hello!"

Selphie paused. She leaned towards Riku and whispered, "Riku... your father's not going to be happy that _he_," she nodded in Cloud's direction, "is here... What were you thinking when you brought him here?"

"Only of a good show, my dear."

Selphie looked up. "I'm sorry, but I have to go and see that the chef is finished with the... drinks..." Selphie smiled apologetically before rushing off back the way she came.

"You walk around naked all the time?" asked Wakka after a moment. Tidus elbowed him in the stomach, as sign that, to Riku, meant that he didn't have to answer.

"Well..." said Riku with an odd smile on his face. "I think I'd better go... help... her..." He looked at them. "I'm sure that you all will be fine without me," and then he turned and strolled after his cheerful girlfriend.

"Hey, Tidus, let's go get us some punch, ya?" asked Wakka and the two of them walked off. Wakka didn't actually know where the punch bowl was and even if there actually _was _a punch bowl. Judging by the signs, more specifically the fact that no one had punch, there wasn't one. However, Wakka thought that going on a legendary quest to search for the punch bowl would be much more entertaining than milling around in the entrance hall.

Kairi took Sora's arm. "Sora! Let's go mingle with rich people!" she said and dragged him off. She didn't notice that he was looking a bit green. "_Rich people_, Sora! I've always _dreamed _about an opportunity like this!"

Sora let himself be led away. He looked back at his parents. "Well... you have fun, mom, dad..."

"You too, dear," said Aeris with a beaming smile.

Cloud didn't notice, he was deep in thought. And then he flinched "Damn it!"

"What's wrong, honey?" asked Aeris with concern.

"I just figured it out! I can_ not _believe that I didn't realize this before! The hair should have given it away the moment I saw him... and the mansion!"

"What are you talking about?" asked Aeris.

"I know who Riku's father is! I can't believe that we're here in his _home_!" Cloud slapped his forehead. "Oh _fuck_!"

"Excuse me? Is that an instruction?" came a cool and controlled voice from behind them. They turned around to see that a tall silver-haired man was standing behind them. He was holding a glass of red wine in the elegant fingers of one hand, while the other rested on his hip.

Cloud narrowed his eyes. "Sephiroth." (1)

* * *

Sephiroth raised an eyebrow. "Cloud. What a... surprise." He eyed them with disdain. "And Aeris. You're looking as lovely as ever." He smiled a thin lipped smile at her.

Aeris stepped back. "Oh no, Cloud has told me _all about _you. I'll not be falling for your tricks!" She turned to Cloud. "I'm going to go look for Sora, you'll be okay, won't you?" Cloud nodded and Aeris left in the same direction as her son.

"Wearing black again, I see." Said Cloud after his wife had walked away. "Who died this time?" Cloud smirked.

Sephiroth swirled the wine in his glass around. "Well, actually, my uncle Hojo passed away a week ago."

"Oh... I'm... sorry?" Cloud was feeling a bit lost. Apologizing to his worst enemy was new and strange territory to him.

Sephiroth snorted, in the most elegant way possible, of course, and took a sip of his wine. "Don't be ridiculous, you know I hated that lunatic."

"Oh... that's... terrible?"

"I suppose. His death is a terrible nuisance, at least."

Cloud grimaced. "How so?" he forced himself to ask.

"Well, now all of his little drug-addict buddies come to me for heroin. It is... tiresome to keep telling them that I do not happen to have any."

"Don't you?"

Sephiroth laughed. "Of course not! It's all in a warehouse downtown."

Cloud nodded. "I see, I see..." He reached behind himself inconspicuously and turned on a small tape recorder which he had a habit of keeping in his back pocked. "In _which_ downtown warehouse are you keeping all of the heroin? Exactly?"

* * *

(1) It was really much more effective when the chapter ended here. However. If this chapter ends here, it will be far too short, and the next chapter far too long. This way it's just right. In a sort of "let's totally ditch effect and only care about length" way.

Author's Note: No, this isn't the end of the banquet! But it is close to the end of the fic, I just thought that I'd warn you guys...

Next Chapter: Where a lot of things happen at once


	15. The banquet continues

Author's Note: This chapter's long, so I'll try and keep _this _short. Thanks to: The Kawaii Rijekuto (I'm sorry that it took so long for this chapter...), Jaguira (I'm sorry... but this fic is about over...), BLACKSHEEEP (I'm glad that you like the fic!), Aeshma-Daeva (I hope that you like it!), SAGA123 (thank you for the confirmation :) thank you for commenting), Kurama'slil'Neko (I don't like Kairi, either...), lucky-g (good luck trying to steal the throne from Riku!), and Cacao Me (Riku hasn't fooled around with the cook, yet) for their lovely reviews. :) Sorry this is so late, but my internet died...

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, but I own the story, so read and enjoy but please do not take.

Summary: One day a man in a wet shirt and leather pants shows up on Sora's doorstep. So, Sora gets a roommate, a young artist named Riku who turns out to be the most charming person he has ever met. So charming, infact, that he proceeds to charm the clothes right off of all of Sora's friends. But that's okay, because Sora doesn't know. Yet.

* * *

Riku followed Selphie as she wove through the crowd. He was about to catch up to her... And then someone grabbed onto his sleeve and yanked him backwards, almost causing him to fall over. Almost. 

"Hey, Riku! How the hell have you been doing, kid!"

Riku looked up. "Uncle Cid! It's really nice to see you, but I am in the middle of something..."

Cid laughed. "Nonsense! I haven't seen ya in a damned long time, kid!"

"Yes, uncle Cid, but I've really got to go..."

"Don't be silly! What can be more fun than hanging out with your cool uncle Cid? Now,have I told you about time I accidentally blew up your father's car? No? Well..."

* * *

"Well, boy, you really shouldn't use that shampoo, that's probably why your hair sticks up the way it does," drawled the elderly lady. Sora nodded attentively. "I use Janol® VitaMoist Shampoo, my hair is silky smooth." The old lady looked at Sora. "Here, touch it." He did. "I told you, silky smooth!" 

Sora nodded. "Yes, ma'am."

"Now, if you can't find Janol® VitaMoist Shampoo, the next best thing is Paul Mitchell® Moisture and Shine, especially for your hair type... Do you have dry hair?"

Kairi sighed quietly. She looked at her watch. She figured that the old lady would probably keep Sora busy for some time yet. And then she decided to slip away.

Sora didn't even notice. He was far too busy writing notes with the pen the lady had provided.

"And make sure to rinse thoroughly, you hear? That's what causes _dandruff_, you know..."

* * *

"...and that's why I'm wanted in Paris, kid! I gotta admit, your old man was _hot _in drag!" 

Riku nodded. "Yes. I'm sure that my father would appreciate-" Riku felt a tug on his arm. He turned around to see Kairi.

"Look, Riku, do you mind if I talk to you?"

"Not at all... Uncle Cid, you don't mind do you?" Riku asked.

Cid shook his head. "For a hottie like this, I'll forgive you." Cid winked as Riku and Kairi walked away.

* * *

"Look, Tidus, I've got to tell you something," said Wakka in a guilty sort of voice. Tidus looked at him. 

"...Okay..." Tidus wasn't sure that he wanted to hear what Wakka had to say.

Wakka looked down at his feet.

"...Look... I cheated on you." Wakka said after a while. He looked up. "But it was only once, I swear!" he said defensively.

Tidus took a sip of his punch. "Oh. That. I know. Me too. To get back at you, you know."

Wakka blinked. "Oh. Okay then."

Tidus nodded.

There was a pause.

"So who'd you cheat with?" asked Tidus after a while.

Wakka looked into his glass of punch. "Riku."

"Aw shit," said Tidus. "Me too."

* * *

Once they were at the edge of the ballroom Kairi stopped and turned to Riku. "Riku... I wanted to tell you... I... miss you." She looked up at him. 

Riku was surprised. He didn't let it show, of course. "What do you mean?" he asked.

Kairi looked down at the floor. "Well... I thought that maybe you would come up to me again, but you didn't, and..." She looked up at him. "Basically, I think that I would really like... being with you... again..."

Riku blinked. "Sure thing, love." He smiled. "There's a nice little room not far from here... How about we slip on down there?"

Kairi smiled in response. "Of course! Let's go..."

* * *

Tidus tapped his foot. 

"This is bad, ya?" said Wakka.

"Yeah," said Tidus. "This is really bad. Especially considering the fact that Kairi called me a while back and told me that she had cheated on Sora. Judging on how our friend Riku has gotten around, I have a good guess of who she cheated _with_."

"D'you think that we should go tell Sora?"

Tidus thought for a moment. "Yeah. Yeah, I think that now would be a good time."

They headed towards where they had seen Sora last. "I thought from the beginning that Riku was a bit shifty," said Wakka.

Tidus rolled his eyes. "Oh please. You thought that he had a nice ass."

* * *

"You evil bastard!" Cloud exclaimed. Sephiroth set down his glass on a conveniently placed table. 

"I assure you, I _had _a father. Which is much more than I can say for you," he said with a dangerous glint in his eyes.

With a yell Cloud swung at Sephiroth's face. Sephiroth ducked. "Well. That was rather rude of you. If you'd care to apologize, I won't make curtains out of your skin."

Cloud narrowed his eyes and swung again. This time Sephiroth grabbed his fist and jerked him forward, causing him to crash headfirst into the wall. While Cloud recovered, Sephiroth took off his vest and jacket before rolling up his sleeves. "Let's see you try that again, hmm?"

* * *

Sora blinked in surprise when Tidus and Wakka ran breathlessly up to him. 

"Sora," panted Tidus.

"Sora, we've got to tell you some bad news," said Wakka.

"...Alright..." said Sora uncertainly.

"Sora, we think that Kairi's cheating on you with Riku," said Tidus.

Sora blinked. "...What makes you say that?"

"She told us," said Wakka.

"Well... she told _me_," said Tidus.

"Not the bit about Riku, we figured that out ourselves."

Sora furrowed his brow. "I don't think that she could do that..." he said doubtfully.

Tidus looked around. "Speaking of Kairi, where is she?"

* * *

There was a knock on the door. "Riku! Riku, I've got to talk to you!" 

Riku pulled away from Kairi and opened the door. Selphie was standing on the other side. She took in Kairi's disheveled appearance and Riku's unbuttoned shirt.

"Dammit," Selphie said. "Can't you keep your hands to yourself for a single minute?" She took Riku's arm and pulled him out of the closet. She turned back to Kairi. "I'll only be a moment," Selphie promised before closing the door in Kairi's bewildered face.

"What is it?" asked Riku.

"They _know_," said Selphie.

Riku ran a hand through his hair. "All of them?"

"Well... Sora doesn't really believe that his girlfriend's cheating on him, but he'll know for sure soon, won't he?" asked Selphie accusingly while glancing meaningfully at the door.

"I'd better go, then," said Riku. He gave Selphie quick hug. "You're the bestest friend I've ever had," he said before walking away hastily. Selphie looked after him.

"The things I do for that idiot," she muttered. "He could at least repay me with a call sometime..."

* * *

Sephiroth ran a hand through his slightly disheveled hair before putting his jacket back on. He nudged Cloud, who was lying prone on the floor, with his toe. "Looks like you're getting too old for this," Sephiroth said. He ran a hand through his hair once again. He picked up his glass of wine and took a sip. He left, and therefore didn't see the lazy grin that blossomed on Cloud's battered and rather bloody face

* * *

Riku rushed out the back door of the mansion. He realized that it would have been a good idea to ask Selphie for her keys. He buttoned up his shirt as he headed across the lawn. Once he reached the street he didn't bother to look both ways, and simply rushed onward. And then he got hit by a car, which could have been funny, but since he was now dead, it really wasn't.

* * *

Authors Note: So the moral of the story is - if you're going to have sex with _everyone_, watch out for cars :) And yes, I realize that I have made Cid Sephiroth's brother. I realize that this was a totally horrendous thing to do, and I'm sorry. But I had to put Cid in. I hope that you all will understand.  
Also: those shampoos I mentioned? They actually exist, and they're highly recomended for dry hair. I have no idea where you could get it, though :)  
And I've been editing this chapter endlessly, I finally decided to just post it, because it isn't getting any better, anyway. 

Next Chapter: The battle against cross-overs.


	16. Riku meets the boys Upstairs sortof

Author's Note: Alrightey, I feel really bad for not posting this earlier... I'm really sorry :( I decided to stop fooling around with it and just post the damn thing. Thanks to: Jaguira, Lack Thereof(I agree, Sephiroth with disheveled hair is just plain wrong. But in my opinion, if anyone were to make his hair disheveled, it would be Cloud), Queen of the Insects, carbuncle x3, Casey, chocoholic freak, The Kawaii Rijekuto, Nhamo, Kanilla-Master of Fluff, bOb the bUilder, Aeshma-Daeva(the cid that I'm talking about is the KH/FF7 cid... the coolest of them all!), and kohisuki. You guys make me feel really happy... and then really guilty for not updating sooner. I loved reading the reviews for last chapter, they were mostly OMG! YOU KILLED RIKU! It made me laugh out loud. I was lucky that no one was home at the time, otherwise I might have been carted off by the men in white :)  
Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this chapter :)

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, but I own the story, so read and enjoy but please do not take.

Summary: One day a man in a wet shirt and leather pants shows up on Sora's doorstep. So, Sora gets a roommate, a young artist named Riku who turns out to be the most charming person he has ever met. So charming, infact, that he proceeds to charm the clothes right off of all of Sora's friends. But that's okay, because Sora doesn't know. Yet.

* * *

Riku woke up on a cozy couch in an equally cozy room. Two men, both with wings, were looking down on him. A fire was burning cheerfully in a fireplace at the other end of the room. 

"This isn't how I imagined death to be," said Riku when it became clear that the two men weren't going to say anything.

The one with the pale halo looked marginally uncomfortable. "Well. Er. About that..." he said with a decidedly English accent.

"So, I'm not dead?" asked Riku hopefully.

The second man adjusted his sunglasses. "Nah, you're dead alright. You're dead as a doornail. You're _roadkill_."

Riku blinked. "Oh."

The first man glared at the second man. It didn't come out too threatening. Still, you had to applaud him for the effort. "That's overdoing it a bit, don't you think, dear?" he asked the second man.

"Well, it's the _truth_, angel. I thought that your people were all about that stuff," the second man replied with a snake-like smirk.

"You're an angel?" asked Riku.

The second man grinned. "You're kinda slow, ain't ya? I would have thought that the wings had given it away."

Riku scowled. "So who are _you_? You're too mean to be an angel. Are you supposed to be a demon or something?"

"Yeah."

Riku blinked. "Oh." Riku blinked again. "Wait. What? _Who_ are you?"

The demon sighed. "Well, we _used _to be Heaven and Hell's representatives on Earth. And then, because of our involvement in a particularly nasty business- it's not worth mentioning, really- we were temporarily demoted."

"Well, this is all beyond the point," said the angel.

"No, I want to hear about this," said Riku, looking interested.

The angel looked cross. "Well we don't have time to talk about that right now..."

"But-" Riku began again.

"No. We are _not _talking about it and that's the..." The angel looked at the demon. "What is that thing?"

"What thing?"

"That line... you know!" the angel waved his hands in the air, trying to get his point across.

"...at the bottom?"

"Yes! That's it exactly!"

The demon sighed. "It's called 'the bottom line,' angel."

"Oh. Yes. Thank you, dear." The angel beamed. "...and that's the bottom line," he continued his earlier sentence, but had seemed to have quite lost his stride. He blinked. "Well." He stalled while he tried to remember what it was that he had been saying. "The thing is, you are currently lying dead in the middle of the road. The good news is that the driver who ran you over called the ambulance... They should be there in a couple of minutes, just in time to resuscitate you."

"The angel's doing, you can be sure," interrupted the demon.

"But while you're here, we're going to have a little talk," the angel continued.

"A little talk?" asked Riku. "About what?"

"Well, you see, your soul tarnished, but not tarnished enough that you deserve to go to Hell. In other words, if you were to die right now- permanently, I mean- you would be stuck in purgatory for all eternity. We're here to try to convince you to change your ways and to somehow... alter the balance, as it were."

"I don't know why you even bother, you're terrible at it. I've been here five times already, and I'm still going to neither Hell nor Heaven." said a third voice.

The demon glared at the speaker. "That's because _you're_ a lost cause."

Riku turned around and his eyes widened in surprise. "Dad? What are _you_ doing here?"

"Hello, Riku. I'm just waiting to be alive again. The same thing you're doing, actually."

Riku paused. "Oh. What I meant was, how did you get here?

"The bastard, Cloud, poisoned my wine while I wasn't looking. I think that I've had a heart attack. Or something of that nature." Sephiroth said with a vague hand gesture. "Can't even kill me like a man... what a sissy..." he muttered.

"Dad, we have an emergency defibrillator... shouldn't you be back to life already?"

Sephiroth inspected his nails. "Yes... I _should _be back to life by now. Unfortunately, the emergency defibrillator has run out of batteries and, seeing as how she hates me, your mother is taking her own sweet time replacing them."

"Mom doesn't _hate _you..." Riku protested.

Sephiroth looked at his son. "She doesn't hate me? She has tried to _kill me_ on several occasions. Haven't you ever wondered why we sleep in different rooms? Honestly, Riku. You should pay more attention."

Riku opened his mouth, realized that he had nothing to say, and closed it again.

"I thought that that was just because you were cheating on her," he said after a moment of thought.

Sephiroth shrugged. "Well, that _is _the other reason."

The demon had a smug smirk on his face. The angel looked appalled.

"You-you really shouldn't be doing that!" the angel exclaimed.

Sephiroth granted him a blank stare. "Doing what?"

The angel blinked before leaning in. "Cheating on your wife!" He paused for a moment. "It tarnishes your soul," he added matter-of-factly.

Sephiroth narrowed his eyes. "Obviously not substantially, seeing as how I keep ending up back here. Besides. It's not as if she's not cheating on _me_."

The angel looked lost for a moment. He finally realized that this was a fight he could not win and turned away with a sigh.

The demon grinned. "So basically, you have too much sex. And if you don't have less sex, you're going to Hell. But I don't see much of a problem here. I mean, you're not, technically, going to Hell _now_, are you? So, obviously, there's no problem!"

Riku nodded.

"So, if you're not going to go to Hell, why stop?"

Riku nodded again and stood up. "Yeah! You're right, I'm not going to Hell, so why stop?"

The demon nodded. The angel, however, grabbed Riku's shoulder and turned Riku to face him. "He's just trying to tempt you! If you keep doing what you're doing, you'll tarnish your soul more and more and will eventually end up in Hell! Besides, if you just... _have relations_... with everyone you see... how are you ever going to be in a meaningful relationship? You really should reconsider your ways..."

"Why?" the demon exclaimed. "He's _good _at sex, so why make him stop?"

Sephiroth smirked. "That's right, he's good at it!" He turned to Riku. "I remember when you, at one point, were having affairs with the doorman, two of our maids, and mailman. All at the same time!"

"Dad… now you're just mixing up your life with mine…"

Sephiroth looked unsure for a moment before breaking out in a satisfied grin.

"Exactly!" said the angel. "Do you really want to end up like _him_?" he pointed at Sephiroth.

The man in question looked insulted. "What's wrong with me?"

The demon threw his arm around Sephiroth. "Yeah! What's wrong with him? He's rich, handsome, powerful-"

"-His wife is trying to kill him..." the angel interrupted while looking meaningfully at Riku.

Riku looked lost for a moment. "I suppose that I see your point..." He suddenly felt sick to his stomach and the room started fading around him.

The angel nodded. "Well, looks like the ambulance has arrived. Remember what we've said, I _do _hope that you'll make the right choice..."

The last thing that Riku remembered was hearing his father talking to the demon.

"Do you see what I'm saying? That damn woman is trying to kill me! When I get my hands on that broad..."

And then Riku woke up in a hospital.

* * *

Author's Note: So, as you can see, Riku did indeed die, but not permanently :) Also, I think that I've probably lost the fight against crossovers. If you want to find out more about the lovely angel (I kept typing angle. It was really annoying) and demon (flash bastard), then you should read Good Omens by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman. You'll be able to find it the nearest bookstore/library. And if the bookstore/library doesn't have it, then it's a pretty crappy bookstore/library :) 

Next Chapter: the last chapter... it's kinda sad, really...


	17. Pot of petunias

Authors Note: The last chapter! YAY! Thanks to all my reviewers: Lack Thereof (I'm sorry, I really didn't mean to offend anyone), Ayeshagirl, Queen of the Insects, The Kawaii Rijekuto, carbuncle x3, chocoholic freak, Cacao Me, and TheOv3rlyOb3ss1bl3. Thank you also to my flamer, the-kiss-of-oblivion :)  
Thank you all!

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, but I own the story, so read and enjoy but please do not take.

Summary: One day a man in a wet shirt and leather pants shows up on Sora's doorstep. So, Sora gets a roommate, a young artist named Riku who turns out to be the most charming person he has ever met. So charming, in fact, that he proceeds to charm the clothes right off of all of Sora's friends. But that's okay, because Sora doesn't know. Yet.

* * *

When Riku woke up for a second time the angel and demon weren't there, a fact for which he was extremely grateful. His father wasn't there either, but his father always managed to pull through, so Riku wasn't the least bit worried. 

"Riku! Riku, you're awake!"

Riku turned his head and saw Selphie, with his mother behind her.

"...Yes. Yes, I am," said Riku when it became clear that Selphie wanted an answer.

"We were so worried about you, Riku," said Angina.

Riku raised an eyebrow. "Well I should _hope_ so," he groused.

Selphie frowned. "I see that being dead hasn't changed you at all," she said with disapproval.

Riku had to think about that for a moment. "I think you're wrong about that. While I was dead I talked to father and realized that I really don't want to be like him."

Selphie and Angina looked at him strangely. "Do you think he's hallucinating?" Selphie asked as she turned to Angina.

Riku's mother looked uncertain for a moment. After all, both father and son had been dead at the same time. It was entirely possible that they could have had a conversation. "I suppose that he is," she finally answered.

And then they called a nurse, who stuck a large needle into his arm and injected him with a noxious looking liquid. Riku felt drowsy, but before he fell asleep he decided that he didn't like Selphie quite as much anymore.

* * *

When Riku woke up again, the only other person in the room was Sora. And a nurse with a very nice rack. Riku tried to focus on Sora. This became infinitely easier when the nurse left the room. 

Sora was sitting on a chair with his arms folded across his chest, glaring at Riku accusingly. Riku decided to use his fall-back plan- to be as charming as possible. He smiled his best smile.

"How considerate of you to come and visit me in he hospital," he said with a sickly sweet voice.

Sora glared even harder. "I'm mad at you, you know."

Riku screamed inwardly. What was with people stating the obvious? He supposed that it was just an unfortunate day for that sort of thing.

"And why would that be?" Riku asked with the most innocent expression he could summon onto his face. All in all, he had thought that he had done a good job. The only time that he had been _less _innocent was the time that he had taken the chocolate that his father had received for his (his father's, not Riku's) birthday and 'accidentally' smeared it on the white carpet that they had had recently imported from Asia under the watchful gaze of his mother, father, 200 guests, and the entire household staff.

Sora stood up and started pacing. "You know very well why I'm pissed at you!" he said with a wide hand gesture that knocked over a pot of petunias which were no doubt placed there by a very considerate person who was not aware of the fact that Riku was allergic to them (petunias, that is).

Riku watched with interest as Sora swore, knelt, and tried to shovel all the dirt back into the pot.

"I really don't know what you're talking about," Riku said after a moment. After all, he didn't want to admit to anything that Sora didn't know about. As far as he was concerned, Sora could be talking about the time all of his dishes had 'mysteriously' disappeared, or about the time that his bed sheets 'miraculously' changed color.

Sora sighed and put the pot of flowers back upright. "I'm _talking _about the time that you slept with _all _of my friends, _including _my _girlfriend_!"

_Oh_. Thought Riku. He had almost forgotten about _that_. Well, not really. But he liked to pretend that he had, in the vain hope that if he forgot about it, it would somehow become less important, and more of a funny story that one could share with one's grandchildren (provided that one had any).

"I'm terribly sorry," Riku apologised.

"No you're not!" Sora exclaimed and once again managed to knock over the pot.

Riku watched with interest as Sora bent down to pick it up again. "Well, maybe not _terribly_..."

Sora looked up at him accusingly from the floor. He picked up the pot and stood up before walking over to Riku's bed and glaring at him.

"Don't you have any morals?" he asked.

Riku thought that it probably wouldn't be prudent to point out that no, he obviously didn't. Instead he decided (wisely) to be a bit more cautious.

"And now I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about," he stated flatly.

Sora looked down at his feet. "Well, you slept with everyone, but not with me. How do you think that makes me feel?"

Riku frowned. "Wait a minute... So, you're saying that you're _jealous_?" he asked uncertaintly.

Sora sighted and started pacing again. "I don't know!" He threw up his hands in agitation and managed to knock over the plant yet again. He swore and bent down to pick it up.

Riku huffed loudly. "Would you stop it with the damn petunias, already?" Sora looked up at him.

Riku sat up in bed (which was no small feat, especially considering the fact that his whole torso was bandaged and his hands were shaking like a heroin addict in rehab), and grabbed Sora's arm, pulling him over to sit on the bed.

"The reason that I didn't go after you was because I thought that you were too good for me," said Riku (which wasn't true). "I didn't think that you were gay," (which also wasn't true), "and I didn't think that you'd really go for a guy like me," (which was).

They looked at each other for a long time. Sora didn't know how to respond, and Riku had fallen asleep (with his eyes open, of course; this was something useful that he had learned in college. This was, in fact, the _only _useful thing that he had learned in college. He might have learned other things too, had he not dropped out because it was conflicting with his sex life).

Finally deciding that actions were better than words, Sora kissed Riku, who woke up just in time to kiss back.

The two nurses that had been spying on them from an open door broke out in happy smiles.

The first turned to the second and said, "I told you so! You owe me twenty dollars."

* * *

Authors Note: Stay tuned for the epilogue :) 


	18. Epilogue

Authors Note: Well, it's been fun, guys :) Here's the epilogue, so you don't have to wait for a measly 500 words. (And now you can't call me mean)

* * *

After three months of (mostly) blissful monogamy Riku went off and slept with a girl named Betty. Sora found out about it, of course, but forgave Riku after Riku promised that he wouldn't do it again. After another four months of (mostly) blissful monogamy, Riku went off and slept with Betty again. This time _he _was the one to tell Sora about it, and not the old lady that lived downstairs and managed to hear all that went on in their apartment. Sora got angry at Riku, who didn't understand why. After all, he had slept with the same person, hadn't he? And as thus, it obviously shouldn't count as cheating, but as catching up with an old friend. 

Sora, of course, informed Riku as to why he was wrong, and Riku promised to never cheat on Sora again. And he didn't, which should really count for something, he thought, because as it was summer, there were suddenly a lot of scantly clad men and women wandering the streets.

So, in the end, everyone lived happily ever after.

Except for Kairi, who was very upset at the fact that her boyfriend dumped her. But since she met a sexy man named Pierre at one of the bars in which she was sulking, she didn't really mind.

Except for Sora, who was very upset at the fact that Riku enjoyed walking around naked as much as he did. Then again, Riku wasn't exactly hard on the eyes, so Sora supposed that he didn't really mind.

And except for Riku, who was very upset at the fact that Sora had eaten his Cheerio's, and, indeed, _continued _to eat them. Then again, Sora always made it up to him afterwards, so Riku supposed that he didn't really mind.

And except for Wakka, who was very upset at the fact that Tidus had realized that he wasn't gay after all. Then again, seeing as how Tidus still lived with him, introduced Wakka as his boyfriend, and still had sex with him on a regular basis; Wakka supposed that he didn't really mind.

And except for Tidus, who was very upset at the fact that Wakka's parents didn't like him. Then again, them not liking him meant that they didn't visit very often, so he supposed that he didn't really mind.

And except Selphie, who was very upset at the fact that Riku was taken, and would never date her (again). Then again, Riku had started calling and visiting on a more regular basis (strangely enough, his visits seemed to correspond with the days that he had had a fight with Sora), so she found that she didn't really mind.

And except for Sephiroth, who was mildly upset over the fact that his wife had attempted to kill him yet again. Then again, she had failed, and it turned out that one of the doctors that had helped stem the excessive bleeding fancied him; so he found that he didn't mind _at all_.

So, really, the only person who was actually upset was Angina. And that was because she was very jealous of her husband because of the very attractive, dark-haired man that had taken to frequenting Sephiroth's bedroom.

Then again, a happy ending can't be a happy one for everyone.

* * *

Authors Note: And thus, with a final flourish of the keys, I put the -completed- in front of the summary and say goodbye to this fic. I learned a lot of things from writing this fic, unfortunately the correct spelling of 'apartment' was not one of them... I hope you all enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it (at the high points, of course). I'm sorry that some of the chapters took a while to come (like this one) but it's finished now, and you all (along with me) can breathe a sigh of relief! 


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